Moodiness ...
Moodiness ...
Sigh* these 2 days are real moody days ... I won't call them "bad days" as all the days God has made is good, isn't it? just that things don't usually turn out the way we want or expect and hence, the days becomes "spoilt".
I think hearing a colleague tell you that being in the school and not feeling part of the school ... working hard for the school yet being taken for granted ... having more and more added on to the plate (which some of it are ridiculous things!!) just because this person has proven to be capable, responsible, trustworthy, etc - just makes you feel equally upset along with the person. I can empathize with what has been shared and I hurt with this person too, and I felt my heart sank 1 point ...
The next sinking point was when I felt forced to do something I did not want to - if I can have a choice. But the fact is I've got NO CHOICE! How things will become after this, I really have to leave it into God's hand and His control.
Somehow, some of these "bad" things seem to follow one after another, ya? Imagine the amount of stress I have to handle within a short 1 hour this morning when I went to school before leaving for theological college.
First, today's chapel day and there are going to be 4 sessions running throughout the day! The power point in the hall had tripped and the AVA girls who usually set up the AV equipments before chapel begins just stood there chatting with one another instead of looking for a solution. I don't recall how upset my tone was when I had to tell them "then please go and look for the OM - check with him where's the socket switch and lift it back so that the power supply can come back! How to have the laptop and projector turn on for the worship and message if power source is not there?"
Then, as I was nearing college, a colleague called, "Hey, the speaker's not here yet!" and I had to frantically call the speaker who forgot - I don't totally blame it on this person as I know this person has not been well the past few days and had a rather late meeting the previous night. But what am I to do ??? If I were at chapel, my duty were to immediately take over and ratter something off the calf in relation to the chapel topic - but I'm not there!! I had to tell my colleague, "Can you please conjure up something, anyway today's topic is supposed to be on relationship between parents and children", and MY, I know she was really stressed. Thank you for standing in.
As if these were not enough, another colleague who was supposed to lead worship in the 2nd chapel session smsed me to say she's not well - but I'm not in school to take over your worship!! Oh my, another stressful one. Meanwhile, I'm thankful that the speaker informed me that he'll rush down immediately and be there for the 2nd session. Thanks.
I guess all these are enough to start off the morning, ya? Sigh* one more ok ... got back my one of my assignment today and terribly disappointed with my grades. I passed, no doubt, but for the amount of reading, time and work I've put into, I felt unfair. To make matters worse, a classmate who usually does assignments in the last minute got better grades than me. Well, not that I don't rejoice with the person, I definitely do, but it's not a nice feeling, you know ...
For a moment, I felt that all the hardwork I had put into, all the readings I've done seemed to be so "wasted" and "down the drain". I just don't feel good the rest of the day. I just don't want to talk ... neither do I want to "humour" people by joking with them or smiling ... I'm just very irk and irritated - kind of a volcano awaiting eruption. I don't know how many points my heart has sank already ... I lost count. But I guess in the midst of all these "moodiness", I recall the words of Isaiah "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." - Isa 55:8-9
I still can't understand why things have to happen the way it had, but I know God will not allow anything to happen without reasons or beyond His control. I know there is something I need to learn, and I pray that God will open my eyes to see and ears to hear. Maybe it's not about working hard, but more on working smart ?? Maybe it's to learn to accept everything that happens in the perspective of God instead of men. Well, whatever it is, God will not shortchange me.
If you are reading my blog, I hope you won't be upset or "stumbled" by what I've shared. I guess there's time I need to really be honest with myself and confront my feelings than to hide them. I'm an optimist by nature, but I have my fair share of woes and grouses too.
Sigh* these 2 days are real moody days ... I won't call them "bad days" as all the days God has made is good, isn't it? just that things don't usually turn out the way we want or expect and hence, the days becomes "spoilt".
I think hearing a colleague tell you that being in the school and not feeling part of the school ... working hard for the school yet being taken for granted ... having more and more added on to the plate (which some of it are ridiculous things!!) just because this person has proven to be capable, responsible, trustworthy, etc - just makes you feel equally upset along with the person. I can empathize with what has been shared and I hurt with this person too, and I felt my heart sank 1 point ...
The next sinking point was when I felt forced to do something I did not want to - if I can have a choice. But the fact is I've got NO CHOICE! How things will become after this, I really have to leave it into God's hand and His control.
Somehow, some of these "bad" things seem to follow one after another, ya? Imagine the amount of stress I have to handle within a short 1 hour this morning when I went to school before leaving for theological college.
First, today's chapel day and there are going to be 4 sessions running throughout the day! The power point in the hall had tripped and the AVA girls who usually set up the AV equipments before chapel begins just stood there chatting with one another instead of looking for a solution. I don't recall how upset my tone was when I had to tell them "then please go and look for the OM - check with him where's the socket switch and lift it back so that the power supply can come back! How to have the laptop and projector turn on for the worship and message if power source is not there?"
Then, as I was nearing college, a colleague called, "Hey, the speaker's not here yet!" and I had to frantically call the speaker who forgot - I don't totally blame it on this person as I know this person has not been well the past few days and had a rather late meeting the previous night. But what am I to do ??? If I were at chapel, my duty were to immediately take over and ratter something off the calf in relation to the chapel topic - but I'm not there!! I had to tell my colleague, "Can you please conjure up something, anyway today's topic is supposed to be on relationship between parents and children", and MY, I know she was really stressed. Thank you for standing in.
As if these were not enough, another colleague who was supposed to lead worship in the 2nd chapel session smsed me to say she's not well - but I'm not in school to take over your worship!! Oh my, another stressful one. Meanwhile, I'm thankful that the speaker informed me that he'll rush down immediately and be there for the 2nd session. Thanks.
I guess all these are enough to start off the morning, ya? Sigh* one more ok ... got back my one of my assignment today and terribly disappointed with my grades. I passed, no doubt, but for the amount of reading, time and work I've put into, I felt unfair. To make matters worse, a classmate who usually does assignments in the last minute got better grades than me. Well, not that I don't rejoice with the person, I definitely do, but it's not a nice feeling, you know ...
For a moment, I felt that all the hardwork I had put into, all the readings I've done seemed to be so "wasted" and "down the drain". I just don't feel good the rest of the day. I just don't want to talk ... neither do I want to "humour" people by joking with them or smiling ... I'm just very irk and irritated - kind of a volcano awaiting eruption. I don't know how many points my heart has sank already ... I lost count. But I guess in the midst of all these "moodiness", I recall the words of Isaiah "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." - Isa 55:8-9
I still can't understand why things have to happen the way it had, but I know God will not allow anything to happen without reasons or beyond His control. I know there is something I need to learn, and I pray that God will open my eyes to see and ears to hear. Maybe it's not about working hard, but more on working smart ?? Maybe it's to learn to accept everything that happens in the perspective of God instead of men. Well, whatever it is, God will not shortchange me.
If you are reading my blog, I hope you won't be upset or "stumbled" by what I've shared. I guess there's time I need to really be honest with myself and confront my feelings than to hide them. I'm an optimist by nature, but I have my fair share of woes and grouses too.
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10:17 PM