A good LORD and a simple life

Couple of random thoughts

2011-08-12T14:57:00.003+08:00

Couple of random thoughts

1. National day songs - it suddenly dawned on me that the focus of each year's National Day song has gone from those that are patriotic in nature to that are more sentimental/unity in nature. I still remember songs like "We have a vision", "Count on me Singapore" - whose words and beat cause the people of this little red dot to arise and stand for the country. I don't recall too many songs of the recent years but some of my favourites include "Home", "Where I belong", "Reach out for the skies" - songs that I thought were not as patriotic in nature as those of earlier past. Has the change been a reflection of our achievements or our complaceny? Hmmm...

2. Politics playing - this is something you find, not just in the official political circle, but everywhere as long as there is a creature called "human being." I hate politics playing - I hate to play politics and I hate people people who play politics. To a certain extent, I don't "blame" people for playing politics - sometimes it is really essential and necessary for survival. Over the years I keep reminding myself that I wouldn't allow myself to be dragged into politics, neither should I be found doing it for a couple of reasons:- (a) it's rather inevitable that people are backstabbed along the way when politics are played and I don't want to be the dagger thrower, (b) I know that God will act for me and playing politics to save my own skin would not be something that is pleasing to Him, (c) at the end of the day I still want to be able to recognize myself - woe to the day and time if I should be so suck into politics that I become a totally changed person that I cannot even recognize who I am...

3. Jesus and ministry training - now and then, churches conduct courses to train and equip lay or ministry staff in various areas for ministry. I wonder how Jesus trained His disciples when He spent time with them. Did He require them to finish a complete course before sending them out, or did it warm His heart that they carry out OJT (on the job training) as and when they learn, as and when they go. I wonder if Jesus was our trainer in all our courses, would He require that we all get a PASS before He dare to send us out, or He would rather we use whatever little we have learnt from Him and minister as the needs are brought before us ...

Some more food for thoughts huh ...

Stress of students

2011-08-04T14:45:00.001+08:00

Stress of students

I was chatting casually with some parents after our weekly parents prayer meet and we hit the topic about the stress our Singapore students seemed to be facing.

Interestingly, during the conversation, someone said that actually the Singapore education system isn't the most stressful one as compared to education system in countries such as China and Vietnam. It surprises me!

Well, I didn't quite "bother" to do some "homework" to check how true this statement was, but it caught me pondering for once about why the students of our country feel so stress and loaded ...

It took me a few days to think and ponder and wonder what had changed since the time I was formally schooled until the current times. It's true that the days are longer and more packed, but I guess that's also because our kids these days are more brilliant compared to generations before. But I believe it's not just the kids in Singapore that was more intelligent and bright, the same goes for the other parts of the globe too. So what has changed?

As I thought, I came to a conclusion that perhaps our kids feel so stressed, not because of the education system, but because of the additional commitments loaded onto their limited capacity. Besides school, they have countless tuitions, not to mention a string of "extra curricular activities/lessons" (eg piano, ballet, violin, drawing, swimming, etc, etc) planned by their own parents.

Can I say for sure that kids in other countries do not have these extra lessons? No I can't, because I have no sources of information, neither did I have the time (or rather bother) to check it out. My gut feel tells me that I should be "quite right" - based on the Singaporean culture, Singaporean upbringing, Singaporean kia-su spirit, etc.

So maybe the next time we say that kids in our country are stressed, we better think twice before putting the blame on the education system, if the fault should have been laid with us.

Flag day

2011-08-02T14:30:00.000+08:00

Flag day

Students in school would not be unfamiliar with being asked to volunteer their time for flag day - whichever organizations that may be calling out for help.

I was driving past an MRT station on my way to the church and as I stopped at the junction waiting for the traffic light to turn green, my attention was fixated at a girl holding a tin-can standing on the pavement, just outside the MRT station. Her body language did not really portray enthusiasm to what she was doing, as she waited quite "boringly" for some passerby that she can approach during the morning of a weekday.

She was fairly fortunate to encounter a man coming along her way. The man paused for a moment, seemingly in a short conversation with her, before putting some money into the tin-can.

Well, obviously I could not hear the conversation that went on, but I reckoned he could have asked the girl the cause of what she was helping in - ie. perhaps what the organization is, or perhaps where the money will go to or who it will bless, or perhaps a brief introduction of the cause of the organizatoin.

As I pondered on the possibilities of the questions, I begin to ask myself if the students who chose to volunteer for such services (perhaps they "volunteer" because of the points they need to clock/accumulate) actually make an effort to find out more about the organization and its cause from which they are representing to solicit public donations.

In the same way, as followers of our Lord Jesus, do we really believe in the person and the mission of our Lord? Or do we know to the slighest details what we are doing when we are challenged to walk the streets to show His love and win souls?

I, for one, "dread" passing by people holding tin-cans that look the least interested in what they are doing (ie. just holding out the tin-can and put it before your face as you walk past), and it makes me wonder how people also "dread" passing by us Christians who seemed the least interested to talk about our Savior and His cause ...

Hmmm... food for thoughts ...

The car-horn

2011-08-01T23:42:00.004+08:00

The car-horn

Gosh, it's been almost a year since I last blogged =P ... Well, I guess the busyness of ministries and family had left me with little time to really sit through and ponder on things and penning my thoughts down. No excuse still, I know =)

After having my brain juice and brain power "pause" for so long, I suddenly felt the urge to begin writing again - well, not those theological pieces, but something simple and reflective, from daily life.

Was out tonight for some appointment and on my way back I had to pass by Orchard Road, the stretch from Scotts Road towards Newton, to be exact. A part of the road on the left side was merged from two lanes into one, and some cars were stopping to alight their passenger. The cars behind them began to signal their intention to filter out to the next lane, which happens to be the lane that I'm was driving in. As it was impossible for them to filter out while I was passing the cars by, I honked to signal a warning to them.

As I drove past, it began to dawn on me the real purpose and intention of the car-horn. What I just did caused me to think about the purpose of the car-horn. Shouldn't a car-horn be meant as an instrument to signal warning, and to alert road users and drivers to possible dangers and hazards? The next thought flashed past as I recall reports of ugly incidents concerning road bullies, some for misusing the car horn - honking out of impatience, and honking when they became inconvenienced. From an instrument with a pure and noble purpose, the human hands had used it as a tool to overpower and to hit back. Sad =(

This is just one of the thing that made me pause to ponder and think ... I believe if I look around more, put more thoughts and reflections into what is happening around daily, I will be able to see things meant for a pure and noble purpose being misused, because of man's pride and folly.

Till then ... =)

Miracle Maker

2010-08-28T14:17:00.003+08:00

Miracle Maker

Who says miracles aren't seen today? If we look closer with our eyes, and see them with our hearts, they are actually all around us. It has been a long time since I last blogged - guess work has somehow kept me away from regular maintenance of the blog, on top of concern in exercising more caution in expressing what I want to say via www - I definitely would not want some views or sentiments I expressed to be taken as controversial, causing some unnecessary outburst.

I've decided however, that I just need to blog again for what has happened -not just as a journal to record what has happened lately, but also to give praise, thanks and glory to my Almighty God - the miracle Maker!

Some colleagues and friends knew that my mum had a fall in the middle of this month and here I really want to thank every single one of them for being understanding and accomodating, especially when I needed to take time off to attend to her, visit her in the hospital, etc.

Even though it was an unfortunate accident, but the hand of God was clearly weaving through in the entire episode. Let me recount it here:-

1) The fall happened on 16 Aug morning at around 10.15am. My helper called my mobile and I could answer it immediately and rushed home to attend to things. My first thanksgiving item is that if I were to be at my workdesk, that is one area where my mobile reception is really weak - she wouldn't have been able to get me at all!! It so happened that day that I was in another location in the school, together with a group of praying parents.

2) Mum's fall was because she was trying to sit on a chair, and her right side was at the edge of the chair, and her left side was in mid-air. Being older and more frail, the first reaction to a lack of support around is definitely a succumbing to the force of gravity. She landed on the floor in a sitting position, injuring the bones at the left hip area. When I rushed home, she was rather immobile as any movement would cause pain because of a slight protrusion of the bone (as shown by the x-ray taken). Her head was like 1 to 2 inch away from the metal bar where the sliding door latched on to. If this is not a miracle, tell me what that is ... In an attempt and a reaction to the shock of the fall, my mum could have just leaned back and knock her head onto the metal bar. Those who are familiar with neurology will know the implication to any hit on the head, especially for the elderly. Need I say more?

3) I called for an ambulance and had her sent to TTSH (since she had a similiar surgery 2.5 years ago on the right hip area due to a similiar kind of fall). TTSH checked on her and suggested we had her transferred to NUH where her medical records are. TTSH dare not take the risk of surgery on her for fear of possible complications that may arise during surgery because of her hypertension and chronic kidney failure. I had an ex-CG member who work in TTSH and in my moments of panic as to which is the wiser option, I called for his help and he was available to attend to my call, and came immediately to speak to the A&E doctor for clarifications. With his endorsement that the TTSH doctors had advised wisely, an ambulance was arranged for the transfer of hospital.

4) This doctor friend of mine informed his brother, who is a cardiologist in NUH, and whom my mum has been seeing for years for her hypertension condition, and he went to visit my mum at the ward and arranged for a heart scan for her to ensure that her heart condition is fit enough to take the surgery. Another testimony of God's hand at work.

5) When the surgery date and time was confirmed, there were many people praying for my mum (church staff, church leaders, CG friends, colleagues, friends, etc). The operation was successful and she was wheeled into High Dependency Ward by Friday (20 Aug) afternoon. She was weak and tired from the effects of anesthesia so when Pastor L visited her, she was still groggy. By late afternoon/early evening, she was already feeling hungry and asking for food. Those who had gone through surgery and under the effects of GA will know what GA can do upon consumption of food before the effects totally wear off. For an elderly leady of 78, my mum felt hungry, and could finish the entire bowl of porridge given to her, with no nauseous feelings.

6) She was kept in High D ward for about a day after surgery to monitor her condition, and was running a slight temperature in the evening. Thank God again for allowing her body temperature to resume to a normal one, and by the next day afternoon, she was rather chirpy and could finish a full lunch. Her surgeon came by when she was having her lunch and said that the operation was successful, and he was amazed at her good appetite and chirpiness =) Later that afternoon, the physiotherapist came by and moved her from the bed to be seated onto a chair - something that she had not done for a week as she simply had to be bed-bound. My mum could sit for hours, and that was rather amazing because the therapist commented that bed-bound patients will usually feel giddy and easily tired when moved from the bed to a chair. By evening, she was transferred to a normal ward.

7) By Tues, 24 Aug, she was allowed to be discharged back home. Before her discharge, the physiotherapist had taught me and my helper some simple exercise movements, and how to help her walk with the aid of a walking frame. We could see that when in the hospital, my mum was rather reluctant, and afraid to walk (confidence level reduced greatly in any elderly after they experienced a fall) and would urge us to stop and for her to sit. When we brought her back home, her ability to take more steps than before, and her will power suddenly came alive again!! Well, maybe she knew she just had to do it ... maybe she knew she would choose mobility over being immobile ... whatever that may be, I believed the Lord is working in her to strengthen her feeble limbs to move.

8) Rehabilitation program - for someone who had a fall, especially an elderly, the hospital would recommend a suitable rehab program for them. The original arrangement was for day rehab at a center in the West - well, near to the hospital, but so far to my house that is in the north-east! In a second attempt to look for a suitable rehab centre, the hospital found one near my place, and in fact, opposite where I'm working =) ... this is a sessional rehab program, probably 2 hours per session, and maybe for twice a week. This is something I know my mum would definitely be pleased with - coz day rehab means staying in a center for almost a full day, and she "hated" being somewhere else besides home, of course hospital stay aside.

My mum is still resting and in the process of recovery, but as I recount on the entire episode, I cannot deny that it is God, my miracle Maker at work, that everything just falls into the right places, and the pieces fitting in perfectly together.

Who says miracles don't happen in these days? They do, if you look closely with your heart, and with your eyes. And when that happened, give the glory due to the One who enabled it!!

Counting the manifold blessings

2010-01-01T00:40:00.001+08:00

Counting the manifold blessings

2009 is fast coming to an end, and the new year that always gives a feel of freshness and newness is round the corner - its firm and confident footsteps coming nearer and nearer. How has 2009 been for you, and what do you expect 2010 to be?

For me, I have many things to give thanks for, although I would not say that 2009 has been an exceptionally wonderful year for me. 2009 is non-eventful but nonetheless God's hand has not at all been missing in every step of the way, in the days of 2009.

I'm personally thankful for:-
- How God has seen me through the many years of theological training, mugging away my hours and minutes and seconds. The final lap was the toughest as I felt really, really drained and emptied of all the energy I had to churn out the final paper. Yet God is good - what had to be done was done, and I had fairly good results. I finally got a degree after so many years of diplomas after diplomas =)

- The friendships made during college days, how opportunities to get to know some people better before we part ways, and before our busyness caught up with us.

- God's watchful eyes over my family. Mum has started her morning walks about 1/2 year ago, taking the doggie with her when she's out with my helper. She has since been in better spirit and health. She has started working on Sudoku puzzles too =)

- Work opportunities that came by upon graduation. Eventually, I decided that church should be the one I should be serving in, in appreciation for all the years of financial, moral and spiritual support the leadership has given me.

- Financial provision - whether as a full-time student or as a working person, God never fail to provide what's needed. The church gave me a good pay package and benefits, something beyond my expectations.

- A wonderfully good team of colleagues who has the passion for the Lord and His people, and for a wonderful pastor heading our team.

- How ways were paved for twin and how God led her back to take over the leadership of the school. We had been joking while I was still in college about whether we would be led back to where we met, and serve together again =) I'm excited for the new year because I know that twin is going to be used mightily, and in big ways, by the Lord, for His glory!

There are definitely more and my heart is definitely filled with gratitude and thanksgiving. As you look back to how God has blessed you, count the little blessings too - you will be amazed at how many there actually are, and how insufficient the space would be for you to pen everything down.

I look with excitement to 2010, although it's a year that entail many changes - changes in the church leadership, changes in the school leadership, changes perhaps even to my scope of work ... well whatever I don't know I commit into God's hand for I know that I need not fight for anything, but He will pave the way for me if it's His will to lead me to wherever He desires, for His purpose, for His glory, alone.

May 2010 be a wonderful and blessed year for all of you as well.

On holy ground ... at work!

2009-11-29T13:54:00.003+08:00

On holy ground ... at work!

I simply cannot believe the speed of time ... it just zoom past without our conscious knowledge very often. And though I had wanted to make it a point to blog and journal regularly, somehow I still fail ... sigh* ... But here I am again =) ... with a great article which I read in my CG Bible Study Book Life@Work. This article (Pg 93) is written by Henry T. Blackaby and as much as it has been a reminder to me, I hope it will bless you too =)

" "Show me Your ways, O Lord; teach me Your paths." (Psalm 25:4 NKJV)

The deepest activity of God all the way through the Bible is in the marketplace. God takes up residence in His people and then functions through His people in the world. The difficulty is that the marketplace is not encountering God in the lives of His people as it ought to. We should notice a qualified difference when we meet someone who knows God and His ways compared to when we meet a person who has no relationship with God.

As we function in the workplace and as we find ourselves moving in a very secular world, we need to recognize that God's presence in us makes a sacred difference. Anywhere that God places His presence is sacred. God's presence connects the secular to the sacred.

We should not separate secular and sacred in our minds. Once we become a disciple of Jesus, everything is sacred. God is always present where we, and thus there is not a place where we stand that is not holy ground. We do not enter the secular world when we go to work and then enter the sacred world when we go to church. We always are in the sacred world, because He always is present. His presence through us makes a place different.

People ought to encounter God every time they meet a follower of Jesus.

We may own our own business. We may be in the legislature. We may be in a position of leadership in a firm or a company.

Regardless, God never puts us in a position of responsibility without giving us all that we need to function in that place. We don't have to call Him in to help. We don't have to ask Him for guidance. God's guidance accompanies the assignment.

Moses was given the assignment to lead the children of Israel. The common people saw the activity of God, but Moses knew the ways of God. What happens if we don't know the ways of God? We self-destruct.

The children of Israel didn't know the ways of God, so they rebelled against Him, thinking they were right. When some of the other leaders came to Moses and were rebelling against his leadership, Moses did not argue with them. He ran straight into the presence of God and interceded for them! Moses knew that no one could rebel against the ways of God and get away with it.

If God gives us insight into the weakness of others, it isn't for criticism - it's for intercession! Could Moses have lambasted the children of Israel? He could have, but he didn't. When he saw the rebellion of the people, he knew that was the way of death. That set the agenda for his decision. He ran to the presence of God and interceded for the people. Had it not been for the intercession of Moses, none of the people would have survived.

How important is it to know the ways of God? It is our life!

For leaders, especially in the workplace, an insight into the ways of God always accompanies our position of leadership given by God. If we know the ways of God, then we can be the ones who bring stability, health, and life to those who work with us. If we do not know the ways of God, we are in trouble - as are those who work with us.

God makes no exceptions and plays no favourites. He always works according to His ways."

Need I say anymore?? The article is such a good reminder of what we should be as we profess to be children of God ... Christians ... testimonies of the One who called us ... May our lives always be a fragrance wherever we may be - working adults, students, home-makers, or retired personnels, etc.

The burdens of leadership

2009-10-28T10:14:00.002+08:00

The burdens of leadership

Was reading Numbers 11:1-15 and am reminded about the burdens we all face as leaders of God's flock.

The account in Numbers recorded how the Israelites were filled with complaints at all the hardships they felt they had to go through when they escaped from Egypt on the way to the Promised Land. They had complained about the journey ... they had complained about water ... they had complained about food ... they had complained about their leadership ... they had complained about practically anything and everything. Now before we point all our fingers at them and labelled them as ingrates, in a similar manner, many of us are like that too - we look at them and were filled with anger at how they can react in such ways to a patient, loving God - we are very often like them too!

In this narrative, Moses was feeling the strain of leadership and the burdens he felt he had to carry as the leader of this mass of people. It came to a point where he felt "enough is enough!" and he just wanted so much to end all the agony he had felt while dealing with the constant nonsense created by the masses. Numbers 11:15 tells us that Moses had come to a point where he was just seconds away from throwing the towel in.

As I read about how Moses had felt, it began to dawn on me that sometimes as leaders, we felt the strain and burden which hit Moses too - well, perhaps not that intense because there's no way we can fully identify with what Moses had went through as the leader of a massive people. Yet in similar manner, we had felt that we are carrying the burdens of leadership on our own ... we are handling the people's business on our own ... we are dealing with the demands and requests of people on our own ...

I guess we often forget that we are merely the human instruments God had appointed, so that He can work through us - and instead of being reminded that we are instruments, we subtly creep into the commander role, which is God's place alone. As such, we find ourselves attending to all things, everything, and when everything just rise over our neck and heads, we feel really strained, burdened, weak, weary, tired, discouraged ... and the list goes on.

If we can only remember that we are God's instruments, and the one carrying the burdens of these responsibilities is God Himself, who will equip us with strength and all that we need to deal with what He has given to us. Very often, we fail to allow God to take over as well, and "suppress" or "bypass" the commander and carry everything ourselves.

Moses felt the strain ... and as leaders, we often felt the strain of leadership too. We need to look back, look to, look up - to the One who's carrying the burdens and ask Him to use us as instruments, to steer us in the way He would ... and not steering our own directions and using our own strengths.

Respond ... not react

2009-10-06T10:22:00.000+08:00

Respond ... not react

Gosh ... just realized I have not updated my blog for almost a month or so =P

Was at staff devotion today and PIC shared from Psalm 63, reminding us about how David trusted the Lord even when he was in the toughest / difficult moments in his life. Those of us who know the story of David well will know that his life lies beyond his defeat of Goliath ... to how he patiently waited for the Lord to lead him to the throne that he was anointed to take over ... to how he defeated his enemies and secure the peace during his kingship, etc. Not too sure if many of us read beyond all these accounts into how he was persecuted by his own son who plotted to usurp the throne, the pain he has to bore about losing his son to vengeful schemes within his own family, etc. In any case, David trusted the Lord wholeheartedly throughout all these times.

PIC used Psalm 63 to remind us that to emulate the example of David - who RESPOND, instead of reacting when problems surfaced. It is indeed our natural tendency to react whenever problems surfaced, things happen, when we find that we are just over the neck, etc. But the man after God's very own heart indeed show us a good example of how we ought to handle and manage life.

The devotion also ended with a challenge for us to "expect signs and wonders", but don't sigh and wonder (or wander).

I'm reminded and challenged indeed. How about you? =)

This is scary!!!

2009-09-15T23:01:00.002+08:00

This is scary!!!

My colleague was speaking to one of the schoolgirl who came in to talk to her. Since we were sharing the same office, and the talk wasn't something confidential, I could somehow hear the contents of the conversation - nope, I don't mean to eavesdrop but the girl was talking rather loudly ...

After she left, I expressed my shock to my colleague, who shared similar thoughts as me, about what the girl shared. It was scary ... just "listen" to some of them ...

- I'm too fat, and I want to lose weight, because when I'm thin, guys will be attracted to me.
- I will fast because I don't want to eat and put on weight.
- Do you think guys will like me? Will they want to have sex with me?
- I want boys to like me, do you think they will like me?
- Is it illegal to have sex?

and the conversation revolves around such sentiments, which under scrutiny, reveals the lack of confidence in the person, and how much the media has been successful in bombarding these perfect figure/beauty thoughts in the lives of our young ones.

"This is scary!!" I told my colleague. It is scary because of the kind of negative influences they are constantly being bombarded and hearing ... it is scary because the powerful means which media has had been used in distorting ways so that advertisers can sell their products, so that viewership can soar sky high ... it is scary because even though the Word of God rings loud and clear every morning during devotion and every week during chapel, the still small voice is so easily clouded out by the loudness of the world ... it is scary because people are looking for acceptance through physical appearance and successes, rather than the confidence which God wants them to have - as His beloved creation and child.

Pray, pray, pray - that was what I felt God prompting me to do, and that we all need to do. Many had succumbed to the voices of the world and living broken, unsatisfied lives. They do not deserve such treatment when the Almighty God wants them to know that they are all LOVED AND ACCEPTED BY HIM!

If you read this post, I invite you to pray along for our young generation of today, will you?

Who we really are ...

2009-09-13T22:43:00.000+08:00

Who we really are ...

JH preached at the youth service today and it was such a great message of reminder of who we are as masterpieces of God.

He began by sharing about his life and family - something which I believed a great number of us do not know although we knew him for many years. To a lot of us, we see JH as someone who is so comical and quick-witted, and indeed he is. However, JH shared that one of the reasons for his wits and comic talent came partly as a security he found in the midst of the painful situations he went through in his earlier childhood days. It was a front he tried to put up to hide the pains, which slowly grew into something somewhat natural.

What JH has shared about his life led him to share the most important aspects that I hope everyone can get to hear and read (summary, and a little of my own thoughts and addition):-

- God wants to give us LIFE, an abundant one, and each one given only a chance to live

- Yet, we chose to live our lives by listening to LIfE (ie. LIE) that the devil plant into our lives and began to be deceived by him constantly and doubting God's goodness and His plans for us

- Furthermore, we allowed the lIFe (ie. "IFs" and "IF only") in life to plagued us with constant fear instead of confidence. We live in fear, we live with regrets - something which God do not intend at all!

- Then, to protect ourselves, we allow lIfe (ie the big I) to take center-stage at all times, pushing away people, trampling others under our feet, mocking and insulting others to make ourselves feel good.

The reason we allow all these to come into our lives and sometime cloud out God's voice is because we do not, or have not, really known who we really are. We see ourselves in the light of what and who the world tells us we are (ie. media, people, advertisements, etc) ... we based our successes in life on the temporal achievements and glories we can gain ... we look to people around us to affirm us and tell us who we are and hence feel rejected, unworthy and unloved when they fail us. Yet all we need is to look to God, who is our Potter, who are crafting each one of us into masterpieces, unique and special. Of course there are problems and difficulties in life, but when we allow God's Word, His voice of love, His assurance of acceptance to flow in us and overwhelm us, then we can look all these in the face boldly and yet still stand firm, living the real abundant live which Jesus came to give to us.

Insecurity and pride??

2009-09-07T22:16:00.000+08:00

Insecurity and pride??

Finally get down to blogging again =P

I have to admit that maintaining a blog and writing regularly does require strict discipline, constantly taking time off to observe and reflect, processing lessons learnt in life, etc. And I guess the many months of not writing for assignments had somehow stagnate the flow of thoughts and inspiration ... LOL. Well, not to forget another reason which is the "pressure" I somehow feel when I know there are more and more (former lecturers, pastors, ministry staff from other churches and organizations) who come to know of my blog =P ... The reason this blog exist needs no further elaboration (read the side panels) and hence I guess when I wanted to write, I have to make sure that I don't pen down sentiments that might result in complains, whining and so on.

After so many years of absence from the Young Methodist Leaders' Retreat (YMLC), I finally had the chance to attend it again this year. It was a good conference which reminded me of many things, and the most important of which I believe most participants brought back were the exhortation about how we should be supportive leaders to the authority and leadership over us.

Over the few day's session which our TRAC President addressed us, he continually highlight and remind us of the need to be good #2 leaders as we support our #1 that directs and leads the ministry/organization/committee, etc. The 3 key points covered during the 3 sessions include the need to (1) learn what Subordination means - accepting God's timing in and for our ministries and not to touch the Lord's anointed by taking matters into our own hands, (2) being leaders with Substance so as to contribute effectively to the ministries we've been placed in, (3) seeking Satisfaction in the Lord even though we are not #1.

As I reflected on these points and the lessons learnt, I can safely conclude that usually when there's a power-play and infighting amidst leaders, the underlying problem can be credited to insecurity and pride in people.

Feelings of insecurity creep in when insecurity well up within us - when we begin to compare our effectiveness with that of others ... when we fail to have kingdom mentality and mindset ... when we long for more acceptance and recognition from men than God.

Pride is the other culprit, for pride rings constantly in our ears (especially through the praises of others) how good we are ... how effective we have been ... how well-liked we are by those we lead ...

If only everyone can learn to be content with their lot as God leads them in the different phases of life - but alas, the fall in Eden has spoilt it all. Yet insecurity and pride will not always have its glorious moments ... God's Word wins over all if we allow it to constantly remind us who we are, and whose we are, in Him and Him alone!

Complain or give thanks??

2009-08-12T23:02:00.000+08:00

Complain or give thanks??

Well, I had written much about the very bad flu that hit me in the last two entries. At the same time, I had thought that I had fully recovered too - well, at least there's no more MC (aka no more rest days =P ), no more fever, no more irritating cough.

Interestingly however, I received a call from the hospital this very morning - telling me that they need me to visit the specialist clinic the very afternoon itself. The lady who called me said that something was actually spotted in my x-ray, as opposed to the all-clear given by the A&E doctor. Obediently, I went - well, at least for the sake of my health, for the sake of my family, and for the sake of hearing an alternative diagnosis from the specialist.

It turned out that it was the respiratory clinic that had called me to visit them, and the doctor in this clinic mentioned that there was actually traces of infection in my lungs in my last week's x-ray. He had me do another x-ray on the spot and compared the one taken today with the one that was taken last week. The lungs was much clearer by now, although there was still a tinge of infection shown. He sent me back with more anti-biotics and asked me to be back in 6 weeks time for another review.

I was particularly baffled at why I was given an all-clear and sent back when I visited the A&E last week, so I asked the doctor in the specialist clinic. Well, he didn't give a very satisfactory explanation, but I accepted it nonetheless and decide not to pursue anything any further. He merely said, "The infection is fairly hard to be spotted by someone who's not a specialist."

In this whole episode, I was asking myself if I would or could shoot a complaint about the "mis-disgnosis" that was given to me. However, on hind side, I thought instead of complaining, I should be giving thanks to God. Well, it was certainly not the most accurate disgnosis that was given to me, but what I was thankful for is that someone (a specialist) somehow came across my x-ray and noticed the trace of infection, and had me called back for further checks, and more medication, so as to ensure that the entire infection can be rid off. I wouldn't dare to imagine the consequence of how this infection can lead to something bigger in the future, if it is not treated on time now. And all I had instead of complains was really, really, from the bottom of my heart - thanksgiving to my Almighty and Healer God who knew what I needed, right at the very moment.

An unpleasant experience - part 2

2009-08-11T13:52:00.003+08:00

An unpleasant experience - part 2

Well, I thought what I had written previously signalled the end of my "H1N1" experience, until I had more "torturous" moments and battles with this stubborn virus.

Most of the time, we should be fine after seeing the GP for once, if not twice. This stubborn virus somehow simply refuse to let go and get out of my body. When my flu symptom and cough had shown improvement, I was plagued with fever the following 2 nights when I slept. I didn't exactly measure myself with the thermometer, but I knew the fever was fairly high - to the extent that I had to apply a towel onto my forehead.

Twin advised me to get a check-up at the hospital when I messaged her about my condition - she said from the looks of the symptoms, it could be bacteria pneumonia. WOW, this would be serious and bad - and can really become life-threatening if not treated on time.

Morning came and as a safety precaution, I called for an ambulance to send me to the hospital. I was prepared to be warded already but after an x-ray which shows my lungs clear of infection, the doctor sent me back home with more medication and MCs.

Looking back at the last 10 days, I really see the hand of God moving and protecting me from developing into a more serious and unthinkable condition. I saw the prayers from lots of friends and loved ones that had also been a shield around me. It was an unpleasant experience to begin with, but yet a "good" experience for me to be reminded of who my God is, and also to help me better identify with people and understand what they are going through when they are battling with agonizing ailments in their bodies.

I'm well and whole by the grace of God, and back to work afresh and anew!! Hallelujah! =)

An unpleasant experience =(

2009-08-04T21:45:00.001+08:00

An unpleasant experience =(

There has been a lot of talk about H1N1 and how it first infected many beginning from Mexico in April this year, and how it has slowly infiltrate the Asia region. Since June, little red dot has seen increasing number of cases, and had also issued out quarantine orders and stringent checks upon entry into hospitals.

When it has gone beyond tracing and records, all that we were asked to do is to act in a socially responsible manner in the consideration of other people's interest. Up till now, there had been 6 cases of death (5 cases are those with medical problems complicated further by this potent virus) and many more unrecorded cases that has recovered.

I wouldn't have known the potency of the virus if I haven't come into contact with one!

Last Friday, I woke up with a terrible sore throat and somewhat feverish feeling (to think that I was perfectly fine the day before). Interestingly, instead of self-medicating this time round, I decided to go to the doctor - partly also because I needed proper medication and medical certificate of absence. I was given some anti-biotics, cough mixture, panadol, flu tablets, etc. The doctor told me if I wasn't well in the next 24 or 48 hours, I have to come back and see her again, and she gave me 3 days MC, from Friday to Sunday.

To a certain extent, I was well on Saturday and part of Sunday, until I feel the cough (no cough before that) coming on around Sunday evening. The cough was so persistent that it kept me awake the entire night, even though I was physically really tired and needed the rest. I couldn't lie down because the phlegms would keep coming up and I would need to go to the washroom to spit it out - and it was almost immediate each time I lie down - until I lost count of the number of times I actually lie down and stood up ... The persistent cough made me really breathless and gasping for breathe - I couldn't sit and sleep because it was difficult to breath. Neither could I stand because it was equally uncomfortable. I didn't know how I got through the night but it was really God's grace that I made it through. I had the thought of calling an ambulance and sending myself to the hospital (sis is out of town and I have been keeping a distance from mum and my helper ever since Friday) but yet didn't want to alarm and shock my dear mother.

Morning came, and the first thing I did was quickly took one dosage of the medication and get a bit of sleep before going to the doctor. When I went into the consultation room, my doctor immediately commented that I really look bad - with all the coughing and wheezing in my respiratory system. She put me on Nebuliser to help me with my breathing. On top of that, she prescribed Tamiflu capsules for me. Well, I wasn't put through any test to determine whether I was H1N1 positive, but according to my doctor and from judging the potency of the virus, she said 99% chance that it was H1N1.

Well, the news didn't exactly shocked me, as I kind of suspected that this is not the normal kind of flu that attacked me - usually I would recover within 3 days, but this one lasted more than 3 days and got worse than before. I really thank God for my colleagues and friends who had been praying for me and God who had been watching over me, but this unpleasant experience made me feel so "distant" from my loved ones because I had to, for their sake and benefit. Mum kept saying there's no need for such moves, but I insisted because she falls under the "high-risk" category, I cannot take any risk for her sake. And with this virus infecting me, I had to be extremely alert that I disinfect every area I've been to, or anything I've used. I was also complaining to mum about the cost of the Tamiflu capsules - $56 for 10 pieces - but she reminded me that if it helped to cure me, I shouldn't be so bothered by the cost.

Sigh* isn't an experience I would want to go through but thank God for watching over me. I'm not exactly well yet, though I definitely felt better than yesterday. I know God is my Healer who would bring me to recovery and restoration!

Who gets the credit?

2009-07-28T21:44:00.001+08:00

Who gets the credit?

Every Tuesday is staff devotion day and today we had the privilege of having Dr Kofi from PI to share God's Word with us.

Dr Kofi highlighted 2 persons in the Bible who were contented with quietly working in the background, but who faithfully carry out the work of the Lord, and allowed Him to use them for His glory.

The first person is Shamgar - I guess very few, or perhaps none of us, have any clue about who this guy is. Precisely! Shamgar (Judges 3:31) is one of the judge mentioned in the book of Judges, and only 1 verse was written about him and what he did. We seemed to honor and highlight prominent judges like Gideon (with 3 chapters in the book of Judges written about him) or Samson (with 4 chapters), but those judges that are not so prominent are not highlighted at all. After all, they too share a part in delivering Israel from the hands of their enemies!!

Shamgar's name ironically means "stranger" and he did seem to be a stranger to all of us, and perhaps his own people after all he had done. He was a farmer working in Israel and all he had then was an oxgoad - which was something that was used to control oxen when they stray. With what he had in his hand, he killed 600 Philistines - one by one, one at a time.

The second person is Andrew, the brother of the apostle Peter. John 1:40-42 describes how Andrew introduced Jesus to Peter. In fact, without this incident, there won't be the existence of the apostle Peter. Although Andrew and Peter were siblings, but their personality were almost total opposites! Andrew was solid, prudent and steady whereas Peter was impulsive and reactive. The mention of Andrew occurs 13x in the NT, and on 3 occasions when it was mentioned, Andrew was always doing something - bringing people to Jesus. He was the first to believe in Jesus, the first to begin mission and evangelism from where he was (ie. bringing Peter to Christ). The second occasion records how Andrew brought the boy with 5 loaves and 2 fishes (John 6:1-13) and the third was when Andrew brought some Greeks to Jesus (John 12:22).

Interestingly, in John 12:22, Philip was the one who brought the Greeks to Andrew, who in turn introduced them to Jesus. Why did Philip not bring the Greeks to Peter? Perhaps Philip knew that Peter's response would perhaps be to brush aside the importance of these Greeks, and the place that Gentiles have in the kingdom of God. Not so with Andrew - whether he knew how God regarded the Gentiles or not, he did what he felt he needed to - simply bringing them to Jesus as they had requested. Andrew does have the art of quietly bringing people to Jesus' feet, doesn't he?

Notice also that whenever Andrew was mentioned, it was usually in connection to "Simon Peter's brother". While Peter was in the inner circle of Christ, Andrew wasn't; and whenever his name was mentioned, it was in reference to his brother. Yet all this matters not to Andrew, who faithfully labor and gets the job done. For him, as long as the job gets done, it matters not who gets the credit! Indeed, Andrew labored privately so that Peter can preach publicly!

From the lives of these 2 persons, we can safely conclude how God delights in using ordinary people with ordinary things for His own glory and purpose. We may forget the contributions of these insignificant persons but God remembers and God honors them!! Praise be to God!

In the face of adversity

2009-07-13T14:50:00.000+08:00

In the face of adversity

One person I held with great respect is Dr William Tan, a medical doctor, charity fund-raiser and wheelchair marathoner (Refer ST's interview with him dated 12 July, 2009). Nope, I don't know this man personally, but reading about his determination in overcoming all obstacles that came his way and his passion in fund raising for those more unfortunate than him just makes me respect him from the bottom of my heart.

In his interview with ST, he related honestly how he wrestled with denial when being told that he was diagnosed with chronic lymphocytic leukaemia. When he finally knew that there was no escape in confronting the truth, he embraced it bravely. And I quote the words he said during the interview, "I told myself, it's perfectly okay to have cancer. Others do too. I will be a stronger person, a better doctor, because I have crossed the bridge. When I help my patients, I can tell them I've been there before."

I'm not sure if he is a believer, but his outlook of life despite his handicap just encourages and amazes me. Not many people can stand these kind of tests of life in such a positive manner and with such strength.

During the course of my Christian life, I've heard many who were strong believers in the Lord, and some were even fervent ministers of His, falling away and backsliding. Such news always sadden my heart, more so if I knew the person and had seen his or her vibrancy resonate in the lives of those they had touched.

Very often, I asked myself the question, "How can such a fervent believer and minister of the Lord fall away?? ... What caused it?? How did all these happen??" ... I guess perhaps one of the reason, besides the human pride found in each one of us, is the disappointment we chose to wallow in when misunderstood or let down by fellow believers. As a result, we turn these disappointments to God also, and began to doubt His goodness about why He allowed some of these painful experiences to happen in our life. Human disappointment transformed into anger towards God, and by and by, we felt that the God whom we professed to experience and believed in seemed to also be a heartless one.

Comparatively, believers of the Lord seemed to be so much more "fragile" as compared to many non-believers who stood the test of life and who fought with determination to overcome their problems. Why have we become so frail when we are actually called to be strong, for even in our times of weakness, God is our strength.

What has gone wrong? During our times of adversity, how can we be sure that we can still stand with strong faith in God and stood through the difficult and painful experiences unscathed? I wonder ... I ponder ... and I continue to pray ...

Great is Thy faithfulness!

2009-07-12T14:33:00.000+08:00

Great is Thy faithfulness!

My Church celebrates its 77th anniversary today, and instead "Great is Thy faithfulness" resound loud and clear!

I know there are many churches who are older than my church, but still these past 77 years was truly a gift and opportunity given by the Lord to my church to stand as a witness and testimony for Him.

With my limited knowledge from the time I attended this church till now, I've truly seen the hand of God at hand - both within and without.

In the year 1996, we relocated to the school for our Sunday services while the church was being rebuilt, in part to give way to the MRT line/flyer that would cut through part of the land the church owned. During the time when the church leadership negotiated with the government, God's hand was there with us and He blessed us with reasonable "compensation" from the government for the land they acquired from us. Even during a time when finances were tight, pledges streamed in and when we dedicated our new church building 2 years or so later, all the loans were paid for and we were debt free!

God has already blessed my church with very good pastors - those who preached well ... those who shepherd well ... those who counseled well ... those who just have the heart for Him and His people - servants who are truly after His very own heartbeat.

It was also the vision and passion of the pastors that the church began to be more outward looking, inward of being just so occupied and full of ourselves. We began outreach programs - to the residents in our neighbourhood, as well as blessing the nations with finances and personnel whose heart beat with the Lord's in His concern for the lost.

I guess if I want to continue to write on, there will be more, but 77 years isn't a short time, although it's not considered a long one too. But one lesson rings loud and clear is the faithfulness and testimony of God's love and faithfulness. Have you experienced this faithfulness of my God? I pray that you will ...

Are you a wise or foolish builder?

2009-07-06T10:49:00.002+08:00

Are you a wise or foolish builder?

Preached my 2nd sermon at the youth service today (the first was during my field education attachment during my final semester =) ... Well, the feedback received has been positive and encouraging - thanks all =) ... One of the feedback received, however, was that I had been a bit too fast during the delivery - in the aspects of moving on from slides to slides =P ... As a result, many of the youths who were trying to copy down notes from the slides could not jot down everything in time. Hence, I thought what I'll do is to summarize the notes here in this blog so that anyone who's keen may access it at any point in time =)

Firstly, the video clip that was shown with the tune quite stucked in many heads after the sermon ... lol http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHJ0L6DftGg&feature=related

A summary of the points covered during sermon (Matthew 7:24-27 and Luke 6:47-49):-

The similarity between the houses and the builders
- Externally there are no apparent difference between the houses
- The function of both would not have been significantly different from each other under normal circumstances
- On the surface, both sets of builders also appear similar
- Both are persons who pursue religious things
- Both sets of builders heard the same things taught by the Teacher
- Both sets of builders did something – both built houses
- The only difference was that one was willing to sweat it out more and take the harder route, and as a result grew deeper and stronger … whereas the other one was contended with merely skimming the superficial – as long as something is done.

So what was the difference that made the DIFFERENCE?
- The foolish builders planned only for the present, and for fair weather.
- He neglected the need and the importance of a safe and secure foundation.
- There was perhaps complacency and pride in their attitude, thinking that the little efforts put in would be enough to help counter the effects that trials bring
- ATTITUDE makes a great deal of difference, and decides for us whether we will become the wise builder or the foolish builder.

Why build on rocks? How does building on rocks benefit us?
- Jesus encouraged his audience to be wise builders – building on rocks than on sand.
- Rocks are hard, firm and solid.
- Sand, on the other hand, appears to be firm and solid during fair weather, but is actually fragile and undependable during times of storms and floods. Try recalling the times when you see sea water gushes in and the effects the water has on seemingly magnificient and sturdy sand castles

4 benefits of building on rocks
Helps us to:-
- be Rich, spiritually (we not only have resources, we will even have reserves!!)
- Orientate our life clearly and properly (because we know who we are and whose we are)
- Counter Satan’s attacks successfully (he knows God's Word too so shouldn't we all the more?)
- to Keep our faith when troubles comes (we know testing comes not because God loves us any lesser)

On the other hand, buildings on sand will sink make us when turbulent times come …
On SAND, we will become:-
- easily Suspicious about God and His goodness
- begin to find Alternatives and believe in our feelings rather than God
- become cultivators of Negative feelings
- and as a result, we become Disillusioned with who God is and His goodness

While the foundation you lay your house on is important, the material that is put in plays an equally important role. Houses that are built on rocks will also need quality material so that there can be a good complement between the foundation laid and the material used, and the house can function for the right purpose of protection.

How then should we build?
Luke 6:47-49 tells us we need to DUG DEEP (meaning, be willing to spend time with God, digging His Word, uncovering the treasures - use EZRA as an example =) ... and we also need to lay your foundation on the right material – Jesus Christ! And this means (1) having a knowledge of Jesus Christ’s character, person, offices, and work, (2) means rejecting all other things as a basis for hope, (3) depending solely on Jesus for pardon, acceptance and eternal life.

When we build our lives on Christ the Rock, it means that we have to actively believe, confirm and obey His authority – not simply hearing what He says but DOING what He desires.

To build on the rock takes time, and it requires hard work – are you willing to invest this time that will prove more lasting than shoddy pieces of work?

Your choice, your decision – wise or foolish?
What kind of builders do you want to be? The wise one who builds on the rock, or the foolish ones who builds on the sand?

When Jesus used the words, “wise man” and “foolish man” (in Matthew), He was not referring to wisdom that is measured by the world’s standards (straight "A"s ... successful career ... wise investment plans, etc). That would be “intelligence”, rather than wisdom.

Matthew identifies the hearer who acts upon what he hears as "wise" (phronimos in Greek) – and this is someone with practical skill or a cautious character. Wisdom therefore, does not come from simply knowing and understanding the Bible, but by acting upon that knowledge in everyday life.

The wise man HEARS, PUTS THEM INTO PRACTICE, and hence he is able to stand the rains that came down (false lies that attack our minds) … streams that rose (stresses of life) … and winds that blew and beat against the house (loud voices from the world that keeps bombarding us). To claim to believe and yet continue to act as before is foolishness; and the fool’s house - his or her very life – will be utterly destroyed in the storms and floods of life.

Jesus ended His Sermon on the Mount by challenging His audience to be wise builders – how about us – me and you? Are we going to be the ones that call, “Lord, Lord” and yet people whom Jesus knew not, or are we going to be people who truly act on the Living Word of God (James 1:22-25)?

Lord, give us all a heart that seek after You - not merely contented with head knowledge, but knowledge that transforms into living testimonies that glorify Your Name, allowing others to see You IN AND THROUGH us. Amen.

Move on and learn what's needed

2009-07-04T22:28:00.000+08:00

Move on and learn what's needed

Well, for those who read the Chinese papers, it won't be a surprise for you to know that something has happened to a student of this school that the church has affiliation with (Note: for those who are not familiar with the rules of this blog - I try my best not to quote names whether it be friends, organizations, etc, if I think that by quoting them will not be helpful to situations or what I'm writing =).

A few students came by during their breaks days after the incident happened and was talking about it. From what they said, I understood that there seemed to be 4 different versions concerning what happened. Whichever version anyone of us subscribe to, I told the girls that the most important thing now is NOT to be a detective to find out what actually happened (that's the job of the police), but to ask ourselves what we can learn from this lesson, and how we can move on from here.

Two lessons I would like to encourage the girls to learn:-
1) Cherish your friends around you - be nice and gracious to each one of them, even if they appear "different" or clash with your character and personality in your dealings with them.

2) Cherish your life because there's only one life.

Regrets are inevitable in our lives, let's learn to live our life to the fullest that we won;t find ourselves always, or often, consumed by regrets.

Back to work!!

2009-07-03T21:51:00.002+08:00

Back to work!!

July finally came, and the break much needed finally ended =) It's back to work on 1st July, with the church youth ministry department. Our office is based in the school so it's kind of dejavu (like what twin says) going back. Met many ex-colleagues which now becomes my colleagues again, haha =)

Well, just 3 days of work and there's already much to do - of course, clearing my table to ensure I have a proper work station was first and foremost when I stepped into the office. Then I was assigned to one of the class during the regular Wed. session that they had, since large scale assemblies was discouraged by the MOE. And of course, the next thing I began to work on was this coming Sunday's sermon, an assignment I received on this very first day itself =)

Had been working on my sermon since and had completed, with wisdom from the Lord. My only prayer is that He will use what has been prepared and use me as His mouthpiece to speak for His glory!

Just 3 days and I'm feeling the joy of ministry again - I guess sometimes we just need to get away from the familiar to appreciate the familiar, isn't it? The break away to study was good, and it does make me learn new things and refresh me once again to serve the Lord in His ministry.

May my life continue to be used mightily by Him for His glory and honor alone! Amen.

Things "accomplished" during this break

2009-06-30T21:41:00.001+08:00

Things "accomplished" during this break

Woohoo!! Time again fly past without us really realizing the speed of it!! The last I blog was 31st May, haha. Time to clear the cobwebs a bit I guess ...

Well, many people have been asking me what I have been doing since graduation - since I have a month and a half before I officially begin work. Thought I might as well blog it down so that (1) you can read about it, (2) it can jolt my memory now and then about the things I've "accomplished" during this break, or in other words, when I was just slacking around ... lol

(1) I had a great time catching up with people I've not met for a while, or have not caught up for a while. I walked the Ridges twice with twin, visited Museum with Mag, took godsons to movie, had tea with Leng & Winnie, had dinner with pal & Annabel, and a few occasions where I brought mum out for meals (usually we eat at home - more so when hard pressed for time and assignment deadlines ...)

(2) Did a bit of shopping - well, not because of the GSS - but more window shopping than anything. The most important thing I did, I guess, was to make new specs and contact lenses =) ... I remember how I had to strain my eyes to read and focus on some things before the new ones arrived, haha =)

(3) Watched a couple of DVDs - the luxury I've forgotten for a long while - the feeling of just lazing in the couch, clicking the remote, snacking, and watching what's played in front of you =)

(4) Packing and clearing - files, emails, databases in my computers, notes, etc. WOW, never know all these can be so time-consuming.

(5) Attended official meetings in an unofficial capacity ... haha

(6) Miscellaneous - service my car, brought my mum for medical checks, did a bit of reading ... and finally

(7) PLAY!! ... lol, can't be more relaxed than I would want.

So, if you ask me if I had a good break, I would say "YES!!" It was a much needed one, a leisure one, and a "luxurious" one.

A walk ... and the healing ...

2009-05-31T15:39:00.000+08:00

A walk ... and the healing ...

I finally got down to walking the 9km Southern Ridges yesterday =)

Ever since the Southern Ridges opened, I've been yearning to find someone that is like-minded and whose company I enjoy to take the leisure walk. After so many months of talking about it, sharing the idea with some friends over coffee, missing one great opportunity during the Graduation Retreat because the weather was so hot ... I FINALLY GET DOWN TO DOING IT!!! =)

Twin and me met early in the morning (well, not exactly early lah, like 8.30am??) and started off our adventure. Well, actually, we kind of "cheated" (haha) coz we met at the end point, parked one car there, and took the other car and drove to the starting point =) This genius plan was to ensure we aren't too tired to walk further to take public transport, and of course, not to stink the entire bus or train that we took after our sweaty walk =)

Although the entire trail was 9km, yet walking with someone whose company you enjoy, the walk did not seemed tiring or long at all. Throughout the walk, twin and me walked, rested, chatted, took pictures here and there. It was a great catching up session with her.

Towards the end of the trail, probably about 1/3 of it left, from Hort Park back to Kent Ridge, my left leg started to feel some pain. I did not know if it's muscle ache or a torn ligament, or a bad strain - all I knew was I was walking with a slight limp because I had to put more weight on my right hand, and literally dragging my left foot along. The one thought that I had at the time was, "Oh gosh, I am scheduled to lead worship for church service the next day ... how am I going to lead with such a limp??"

Despite of the pain, God saw me through the rest of the walk, with the pain and the limp. After a simple lunch, twin and me parted ways as I felt the need to be back home as early as I could to rest. The pain still somewhat persist during the entire evening.

When I woke up the next morning to get ready for church, I was totally surprised that the pain and the ache has gone off!! There wasn't any pain anymore!! I had muscle aches before, and usually they take about 2 days or more to recover and ease - so for this one to just go off in less than 24 hours, I was simply amazed and thankful - of course to the Great Healer and Physician! =) And needless to say, you knew the rest of the story - I went to church, lead worship, as normal as I had felt =)

Praise God for the time to walk and smell the freshness of the air and see His creation ... thank God for the special time He made for me and twin to fellowship in His presence ... and glory be to God for the healing!

Time is like a river

2009-05-28T23:33:00.000+08:00

Time is like a river

Got this from a friend and was encouraged, reminded and inspired by the words. Posted it on my FB page but in case you did not have a FB account, I hope by visiting this blog, you'll be blessed by the following words too ... =)

The four blessed looks:
- Look back and thank God
- Look forward and trust God
- Look around and serve God
- Look within and find God!

"I asked God, 'How do I get the best out of life?'
God said, 'Face your past without regrets. Handle your present with confidence. And prepare for the future without fear!' "

Without God, our week is:
- Mournday
- Tearsday
- Wasteday
- Thirstday
- Fightday
- Shatterday and
- Sinday
So, allow Him to be with you every day!

Time is like a river. You cannot touch the same water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again... Enjoy every moment of life.

Ephesians 5:15-16
"Be very careful, then, how you live - not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil."

In memory of a fighter

2009-05-23T10:41:00.000+08:00

In memory of a fighter

An auntie, who's the mother of my former Sunday school student, a lady whom I've known for many years - better than acquaintance but not that well, passed on to glory on 18 May.

She was a really a woman of great strength - she was widowed when her children were still fairly young, yet she grit her teeth and brought them up very well. She was one ardent supporter of the Sunday School - we teachers never fail to feel encouraged whenever she speaks to us. She was just so unlike many parents that we used to encounter - storming up to us in anger when we exceeded a little our dismissal time because we just have to complete what we were teaching.

Despite the fact that she was in ill health - lung cancer (umm... if I didn't missed up my facts =P ) that later also affected her liver, she travelled as regularly as she can from the west of the island to the church, which is in the north-east. She didn't have the luxury of being driven, so her only mode of transport was what the public transport system could offer. Even though she was in ill health, yet she never despair, but fought on, struggled to live, trusted in God, and her cheery spirit and optimistic outlook encouraged so many around her. Often we who are in good health complain, grumble and lament, yet whenever we speak to her, she never once does the same. She always say, "God is good!" and she said it with much affirmation and conviction.

Now she has gone home to be with the Lord, but I'm certain that her praises and songs to the Lord continues on as she rests in His presence. She might not be a famous person per se, but her simplicity and life of faith has indeed touched, encouraged and inspired many around her. I thank God for her.

A degree I can finally call my own!!

2009-05-17T16:52:00.002+08:00

A degree I can finally call my own!!

I seemed to be studying and going for more certificates ever since getting my first Diploma. But every one I went for was dip, dip and more dip. At the interview with my pastors, my PIC commented, "WOW, you had so many diplomas ... diploma in Electronic Engineering, diploma in Quality Management, and diploma in Management Studies". Haha, yup, he's right - I do have many diplomas, but somehow I just couldn't pluck up the courage to go for a degree - in a way, it was some myth that I chose to believe in that getting a degree is not an easy feat, and it's perhaps something my confident level isn't up to as yet.

Because of the need in ministry, pal, A and I had to register with the seminary some 6 years ago. We began as occasional student - taking one module at a time, while working in our ministry with the students in school. A was the first amongst us to decide to convert her occasional student status into full-time studies, while pal and I remain as occasional students and plod on slowly. It was later when pal and I met our classmates (we were part-timers with full-time job then) that we contemplated seriously and prayed about coming on board full-time for the next 2 years - partly also to get our studies over and done with. So when we finally received the conferment of the degree during yesterday's graduation service, we hugged each other for so long and said, "We finally made it!!!" ... and I just couldn't hold back the tears any longer that "Yes, we finally made it, and it wasn't an easy journey. Yet we were thankful to the Lord for giving us each other, to cheer, encourage and support each other in this journey of faith."

Dip, dip, dip ... finally it's dip, dip, dip, degree!! =)

Toast to a friendship

2009-05-04T12:33:00.003+08:00

Toast to a friendship

Throughout all these years, I've made many many friends, and some became my really close friends and those I share very honest thoughts and feelings with. One person that I became more appreciative of is pal, especially when we began taking courses in seminary together since 2001.

Pal and I met at an interview when we applied to be Christian Ministry Staff in the Methodist school - that was in April 2000. Our interview slots were one after the other, and while waiting for our turns, we began to chat very casually. It didn't occur to me that we will become very good friends then ... =)

Later on, both of us were accepted into the ministry but we worked in different schools, so the only time we met up was during our once a month school ministry meeting. Again, it was just mere acquaintance between us.

I guess our friendship really took off when we decided to enroll for seminary courses together, beginning as an occasional student, taking one module at a time, while still working in the school ministry. We took our day off from school for this purpose, and since the first class, we began to register for the same courses so that we can help one another in our studies and to cheer each other on. Around the same time in the year 2001 or 2002, pal went through very difficult times and was hoping to be able to share her feelings with someone. I remember us sitting together in the plane to Bali, where we had our annual school ministry staff retreat - that was when she began to open up to me and share really honest thoughts with me. Since then, we became friends that can talk about anything, and share about everything.

One reason we appreciated each other so much is that we have a common understanding that besides each other, we have other friends too. So while we want to spend time cultivating our friendships, we know that when we are unable to, it doesn't mean rejection on the part of the other. We've also been able to share honest thoughts and feelings with each other (very often, ungodly and unchristian thoughts) because we know we simply need to ventilate. Yet the most wonderful thing is that we don't perceive each other with judgmental attitudes, asking within ourselves, "how come she's like that? or how can she entertain such thoughts?" ... we know that deep down we still love God dearly and wants to obey Him in every way we can, and our honest sharings are just reflective of our very human emotions and responses.

Pal and I can be so forthright with each other that we can simply tell each other, "I don't like this thing you did to me ... or I don't appreciate this thing or that." We can also call each other in any time of the day simply to ask, "how's your day?" ... and we know that when we can't talk during those moments and tell the other partly so honestly, it didn't mean "I don't like to receive your call" .. or any kind of rejection.

I cherished the times when we went places together, study together, agonize together, talk nonsense together. This is certainly one very very good friendship God has blessed me with, and we both hope that this friendship will not end with our less frequent meeting as our college life comes to a close. Pal is one person I'll definitely make time to talk and meet, despite having other new friends and commitment that will come along my way in the future.

Thank you Lord for blessing me with this wonderful friendship, and a toast to me, my dear friend and pal!

A fine couple and godly example

2009-05-02T12:23:00.000+08:00

A fine couple and godly example

I attended 4th uncle's 80th birthday celebration and his/4th aunt's 50th wedding anniversary celebration dinner with my mum. It was a simple affair yet I had a great time as I gave thanks for what I've witnessed and saw.

Well, to begin with, my family cannot be considered to be very close to all my relatives - we do keep in touch, and there's visitation to each other once in a while during festive seasons, etc. The knowledge I had of my maternal 4th uncle and aunt is that they are also such a happy couple, and a very gentle pair too, who will always look out for each other and support one another.

From the little I knew, mum told me 4th uncle loved my 4th aunt so much that he wanted to marry her, but because she is a Christian, she stated her condition that she will only agree to the marriage if he converts to Christianity, which he did. And their godly family tale begins ...

The couple has 4 children - 2 boys and 2 girls - and all of them are of very fine character. Even the grandchildren are brought up very well. It was such a touching moment when my uncle/aunt's son-in-law prayed for them before the dinner began. He testified to the godly examples they show to their children and the fine manner they brought up their kids. Later on, the grandchildren also presented song items which echoes how God and love simply is the hallmark that built this family, which later sprout forth subsequent generations, rooted in the faith and love of God.

It was a simple affair, a simple celebration, but that few hours spent at the dinner simply encouraged and lifted my spirit as I gave thanks to the Lord for this fine couple and godly example. Never in my life have I seen my 4th uncle or aunt flare up or react in moments of anger. They simply has that x-factor and charisma that draws people to the Lord, because they are rooted firmly in the Lord and the Lord could blaze and shine through them =) PTL!

Thanksgiving

2009-04-30T11:51:00.000+08:00

Thanksgiving

Before I enter seminary years ago, I often find myself asking, "How is God going to provide for my finances when I quit my job and be a full-time student? ... How is my life going to be sustained by the minimal support that I'm getting? ... How is God going to see me through the years of studies - physically, mentally, spiritually, socially, etc?"

I've heard of many testimonies about how God provided and supply when one respond in faith and obedience to His call. But it was difficult for me to understand how what they had experienced could be true for me.

Now, at the end of the 2 years from when I quitted from my job and became a full-time student again, I can only stand to testify that all my worries are truly unfounded. God is a God who not only supplies, but a God who provided all that I needed and saw me through these few years of seminary life.

God supplied all my needs - yes, and I echoed a loud "amen" to Philippians 4:19 which reads, "And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." It's amazing how God supplies and provides - through the church, through friends, through family members. I remember one occasion that a ministry staff passed an envelope to me and said, "someone wanted me to give this to you but the person would like to remain anonymous". I opened the envelope and found some cash, of which I was really thankful for in those moments of need. God did not simply just supply finances, he also watched over my household, such that I can concentrate on my studies and not worry over family members falling ill, etc.

Going back to become a full-time student after so many years also left me worried about the ability to cope with the demands of studies, manage and balance my time, etc. Yet God again proved Himself so faithful as He constantly reminds me of 2 Corinthians 12:9a "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." " What a testimony even as I stand before Him now to give thanks for all that He has done all these years. I often wonder how I can complete the readings ... the assignments ... how I can have creative ideas for presentation ... preaching assignment ... planning for chapel, etc - yet God again proved Himself so faithful in seeing me through all these tasks, providing me with His wisdom and seeing me through stressful moments by His gentle guiding hand and grace.

Well, these 2 lessons aren't the only ones I've learnt. The most important one is the one which I believed echoes the words of Paul in 1 Corinthians 1:27-29 "But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things--and the things that are not--to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him."

I've often thought that the people I'll learn the most from are those who are intelligent, brilliant, smart, knowledgable, etc - but I'm proven wrong!! In fact, the people I've learnt the most from, and humbled by, are those which Paul has written - the foolish things, the weak things, the lowly things (to be used figuratively and metaphorically). Through a couple of my classmates, I've learnt to be humble as I see them plodding on slowly and patiently - they might not be the brightest in the class, but their humbility to learn and to be corrected just puts me to shame - in contrast to my sometimes pride and arrogance in thinking that "I know a lot".

I'm also encouraged by some classmates who are courageous enough to explore, ask the most simplest and innocent questions - well, maybe those are the ones they are struggling with, but in actual fact, it takes a great deal of courage to ask those questions, and sometimes risk appearing like a fool. Yet through their courage I've learnt the simplicity of faith and childlike innocence as we seek the Lord.

Looking back, I'm simply just filled with amazement and thanksgiving. What can I say except to echo the words of the song "my tribute" .... "How can I say thanks, for the things You have done for me." ... and truly to God alone be the glory!! Praise the Lord!!

Discoveries

2009-04-28T18:28:00.004+08:00

Discoveries

WOW!! Time passes really so quickly ... it's been more than a month since I last blog!!! Haha, the longest silence ever for me since this blog began =)

Well, I guess being in the last lap of college life just leaves me with very little strength, energy and motivation to write for the blog - more so, when my mind seemed to always be cluttered with things I need to read, assignments that are due, papers I need to write, etc, etc. My only destressor during those times were playing with my little pet on Facebook =P

Anyway, since I've handed up my final 2 papers and is light as a feather now, I thought I'll write a little something about what I've discovered about myself during these 3 years (in fact, more, if I want to include those years as occasional student) of student life:-

1) I hate exams and quizzes - they made me study like mad, and squeezed my brain juice until they are all dried. But then, the amazing thing is that I actually fare much better comparatively in exams and quizzes, than in papers ... with a few perfect score records, and those close to perfect =)

2) Studying is actually fun and enjoyable, but I realized I don't enjoy it when I'm doing it under pressure, or for the sake of deadlines and assignments. The readings done these years had opened my mind and equipped me better definitely, but because I'm reading not so much for understanding, but for the purpose of writing, it became a chore, and I quickly forget what I read after what's done is done =(

3) I am still a person who can take pressure or work under pressure, but pressure just makes me cranky, as usual - so I haven't changed in this =P

4) I realized I have the potential of a hermit!!! Imagine the past few years with really minimal TV program - COOL!! I didn't know how I did it!!! Haha ... the only programs that can hook me are good soap operas from TVB, or occasionally the local channels =)

5) I'm a very task person - still am, so when I need to complete some assignments and work, I can practically shut the whole world and everyone else behind me. Not good ... and my family knows it best. This is also one of my greatest regrets in these few years ... =( but I've learnt and will be more careful from now on when pressure and deadlines hit me.

6) I'm amazed at my very own courage to tell the college chaplain, "I would like to try and be the interpreter for sermons ... in Mandarin". Well, I guess the best place to learn is when I'm in college and the best opportunities ever. Thus far, I think I've done about 5 interpretations, and I've benefitted and learnt from all of them. Most thankfully is the very fact that those I work with makes serving in this way a joy =)

7) Extension of deadlines for assignments - as far as I can remember, only once. I'm not someone who would take advantage of extended deadlines, for I believe that time management is one aspects ministers of God need to learn. Hence, the very time I asked for extension was one "agonizing" moment ... =(

8) I've never stayed in hospital or undergone any surgery but during my 2nd year 1st semester, I had a bad fall at home and broke my elbow - had to be warded for 3 days and underwent the very first surgery in my life. Sigh* not a good experience at all, not to mention the ugly scar the operation left me. But throughout the recovery period, I received many gestures of love and care - from family, classmates, friends. And I thank God for them all.

9) My favourite reading spot is not in the college library - in fact, I get very distracted working in the library because of all the movement up and down, here and there. Therefore home is my best working corner, and The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf's (at Rail Mall) comfy sofa became my favourite reading spot - I could just order a coffee and sit down to read for hours.

So ... it's not just a journey of reading and learning, but also one where I discover more about who I am =)

Will try and write more regularly in the days to come ... need to attune back to the "normal" life =) ... life that is "stress-free", umm... where assignments and readings are concerned that is. Think what I've written can be more coherent and tighter, and I definitely hope to be able to be more observant and reflective like I used to be =)

A stray kitten and his mum ...

2009-03-11T20:39:00.000+08:00

A stray kitten and his mum ...

I haven't had time to write regularly these days as I'm really up to my neck clearing all my readings and assignments =( But something happened today which made me want to pen it down in words, yet I write with a very heavy heart ...

There was a stray kitten with his mum outside my house and we rescued him from near death on 2 occasions - once was during Christmas season last year when him got trapped inside the drain of my neighbor's house. Wonder how he sneaked in and yet failed to escape out. It was raining really heavily then and the poor kitten was soaked to his skin - I guess he was soaked for hours in that big downpour as my neighbour totally ignored his wailing. Somehow, we managed to trace the location of the wailing and sought permission from my neighbour and freed him from further trauma. We took him back home (his mum was also calling out for him in an attempt to search for her little baby) and fed him with some warm milk before releasing him back to his mum.

The second occasion was a similar one to the first. But after 2 attempts to rescue him, he just couldn't seemed to escape his fate of a short-lived life. He was knocked down by a car just metres outside my house today and we happened to spot it lying in the middle of the road though we did not see what actually happened. We quickly ran to the road and checked on him, and also to prevent oncoming cars from crushing over him to prevent further tragedy. As we brought him back home to check on his wounds, thinking that he could have hurt his limbs and we could just stop the bleeding and bring him to the vet, we realized that his injury was worse than we had thought. His limbs seemed to be fine, but blood was oozing out from his ears - and we guessed he had been hit on the head and caused injury to his skull. His body began to lose its warmth as well and we finally decided that he's gone. The decision next is to decide what to do with his body - if we throw it into the bin, the garbage truck that come and pick up our rubbish will just squash him as they did to all the rubbish to create space for all those huge chunks of collection. We decide that we should just bury him in the open field nearby our house and that we did. An animal does have dignity too, doesn't it? And the least we could do is to give him some dignity even as he lay to rest.

What followed was really heart-breaking ... we could hear his mum calling out for him, and it really pains our heart. How would she ever know that her baby would not come back anymore to her? How would she know that the little one that snuggle with her is no more? At that moment, I wished I could speak cat language and communicate the sad news to her ... Sigh*

Even as I thought about the whole incident and how this little kitty's mum searched and called for him, I see a parallel to how God called out for each one of us too ... He patiently seek for us, call for us, and wait for us - all because of His love. Yet very often, we choose to stray away from Him. Our fate could be similar to that little kitty if we choose to stray further and further away from God, and it would definitely create a heart-breaking feeling in God our Father when He sees our lives being destroyed in ways we could have prevented if we seek refuge under His wings.

God came, God spoke our language, God was there - what are we waiting for?

Valentine's special (2)

2009-02-14T18:10:00.002+08:00

Valentine's special (2)

Extracted from Feb 13 devotion, in "Experiencing God day-by-day" by Henry T. Blackaby and Richard Blackaby

"Love assumes the best
1 Cor 13:7 "Love ... bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

Love has no limits. Love never says, "You've gone too far. I can't love you now." "All things" means everything is included. Christlike love leaves no doubt in the mind of another that you will continue to love steadfastly. Do those close to you know that they can fail and do foolish things, yet you will not falter in your love for them? Are others assured that, even when they hurt you, you still love them, holding nothing against them?

Love assumes the best about others. If someone inadvertently offends you, you choose to believe the offense was unintentional. If someone seeks to harm you, you "bear all things", forgiving unconditionally. If a positive light can be shed on a difficult encounter, you grasp it. If someone continually provokes you, you "endure all things." You never lose hope in the ones you love. You practice the same unconditional love toward others that Christ gives to you.

Paul said that he was nothing if he had the faith to move mountains, the tongue of an angel, and the gift of prophecy to understand all mysteries, yet did not have God's love. It is unacceptable to say, "Well, I just can't love people that way!" When God loves people through you, this is the only kind of love He has! Read 1 Corinthians 13 with gratitude that God has already expressed this complete and selfless love to you. Pray and ask Him to express it through you now, to others."

Happy valentine - to all my friends, family and loved ones. If you had not known, valentine is not a time only for couples and lovers - it is a time to establish that ties once again with friends. Love as God loves - it is humanly impossible to do it by ourselves. Seek the Lord's strength that we may learn to show unconditional love to everyone around that He bring us to cross paths with.

Valentine's special (1)

2009-02-14T18:00:00.003+08:00

Valentine's special (1)

Extracted from Feb 14 devotion in "Experiencing God day-by-day" by Henry T. Blackaby and Richard Blackaby

"Hosea 3:1
"Then the Lord said to me, "Go again, love a woman who is loved by a lover and is committing adultery, just like the love of the Lord for the children of Israel, who look to other gods and love the raisin cakes of the pagans".

No human can comprehend God's love for His children! Our limited experience of human love hinders us from understanding God's unconditional love for us. We can see a picture of this life in the life of Hosea.

Hosea was a righteous man, but God told him to marry a sinful woman. Hosea obeyed and took Gomer as his wife. He cherished her and treated her with dignity and respect. Never before had Gomer experienced this kind of love, but she soon grew dissatisfied. She began giving her affections to other men. She became so involved in adulterous pursuits that finally she abandoned Hosea altogether. Other men used her until she had nothing left to give. Then they sold her into slavery. After this, God have Hosea an amazing command: "Go and buy her back." Despite the intense pain and hurt that Gomer had inflicted on him, God told Hosea to forgive her and to pay any price to bring her back into his home.

God's message is clear: when we reject Him and turn our devotion elsewhere, our rejection carries the same pain as an adulterous betrayal. After all God has done for us, it is incomprehensible that we should reject Him. It is even harder to fathom that God could love us even after we have rejected, ignored, and disobeyed Him. Yet God's love is completely different from ours. His love follows us to the depths of our sinfulness until He has reclaimed us. His love is undaunted when we run from Him, and He continues to pursue us. What incredible love He has demonstrated to us!"

I hope that on this valentine day, it will be God's love that you will come to know and enjoy.

Fire-fighting

2009-02-01T17:55:00.000+08:00

Fire-fighting

I've not been updating this blog as regularly as I hope to, especially in recalling and recounting wonderful lessons learnt that I can share here - for the glory of God alone. A lot of the posts were written all at one go and back-dated.

The rat race has caught up with me, or rather I find myself being caught in the rat race ... the race of completing one thing after another ... the race of keeping on track with the others ... There's just so much of fire-fighting to do that it never seemed to be ending. It is times like this that I find myself "lamenting" ... "24 hours is not enough ...", yet it is also times like this that I've reminded myself, "everyone is given the same amount of time - we just need to manage it well", and to do so, we definitely need wisdom from the Lord - when to rest, when to work, when to play, etc.

I don't enjoy all these fire-fighting moments ... neither do I think that this is the kind of life God wants me to live ... being pushed around by demands than managing them. Help me, Lord!

Critique??

2009-01-20T17:48:00.000+08:00

Critique??

This semester we break into 3 groups for our Homiletics Class. Each group has about 8 persons and we hear each other preach and then comment and critique.

I guess for me, it has always been a challenge to do a critique, especially to be very objective about what I feel as I hear my classmate preach their message. I don't deny that sometimes the human element of biasness and judgement comes into play when one tries to be objective in assessment.

On a few occasions, I questioned myself if I was being objective enough, more so when in my woman's instinct, I felt that some of the comments I made seemed not to be well received by some individuals. I made it a point to check with the rest of my classmates in the group, and they assured me that I was the same in my tone, comments and opinion even when I critique them. They felt that the element of objectively was there - which was what I needed assurance about.

I suppose in the ministry, it will always be a challenge as well - how to be objective when you critique and comment - be it a project, be it an assignment, be it a message. After all, the purpose of doing all these is to offer a perspective that is perhaps a blindspot to the individual, in the hope that whatever that is constructive and useful can be used in the future to enhance the person's ministry or sharing.

Critique objectively - I'm still learning, and each time I need God's help to ensure that I don't rely overly on my human feelings and emotions, but to see what is before me as objectively as possible ...

A new semester ... and the final lap

2009-01-09T11:19:00.002+08:00

A new semester ... and the final lap

The new semester begins officially with the start of lectures on Monday 5th Jan. As this new semester begins, it also marks the beginning of our final lap here in seminary. I'm doing 5 modules this time round, though I need only 4 to graduate. On paper, the requirements for these 5 modules looks managable, yet coupled with all the other extra commitments (Council duties - can't wait for the handover!!! planning for our graduation dinner, etc) I'm beginning to be worried.

As I ponder about what I'm worrying about, perhaps the pressure was due to my perfectionist characteristic - that I want to do everything in the most perfect and excellent manner ... perhaps the fear was due to wondering if I can meet up with the expectation of myself and others ... Of course I'm well aware that with God by my side, and committing all concerns to Him, He can carry me through as He always did, but still humanly, the tasks ahead seemed daunting ...

Ritual or relationship?

2009-01-05T11:12:00.000+08:00

Ritual or relationship?

An extract from Henry T Blackaby and Richard Blackaby's "Experiencing God day-by-day" - Jan 5 devotion

"Jeremiah 2:6 "Neither did they say, "Where is the Lord, who b rought us up out of the land of Egypt, who led us through the wilderness?" "

Christianity is an intimate, growing relationship with the person of Jesus Christ. It is not a set of doctrines to believe, habits to practice, or sins to avoid. Every activity God commands is intended to enhance His love relationship with His people.

God designed worship for us to see Him in His glory and to respond appropriately; for many it has degenerated into "religion", one more meeting to attend out of habit. God established the sacrificial system so that we, His peopl, could expess our love to Him; but we often dimish our gifts to our Lord into futile attempts to appease Him and to pacify our guilty conscience. God gave us prayer so we could have conversation with Him, but we often distort this by "saying prayers" and hurrying off without ever listening to what is on our Father's heart. God instituted His commandments as a protection for those He loves, but the commandments can become a pathway to legalism rather than an avenue for a relationship with our Father in which He protects us from harm.

Religious activity apart from fellowship with God is empty ritual. The people of Jeremiah's day were satisfied to have the ritual without the manifest presence of God. They became so comfortable with their "religion" that they didn't even notice God's absence. Is it possible to pray, to attend a worship service, or to give an offering yet not to experience the presence of God? It certainly is possible! And that has been the sad commentary on many a Christian experience. Don't settle for a religious life that lacks a vital relationship to Jesus Christ. When God is present, the difference will be obvious."

Strangely familiar, or familiarly strange?

2009-01-04T18:44:00.003+08:00

Strangely familiar, or familiarly strange?

After so many weeks of procrastination (esp. after the REAL Camp), I finally attended TNG service this morning held in the school concert hall. As I went back into the school where I left one-and-a-half years ago, a kind of feeling which I could not pinpoint in words well up - somewhat strangely familiar, yet familiarly strange.

I can't say if I felt happy coming back to the school that I've worked in before - the surroundings did not change much, but yet I felt so "alien" coming back again. The uncle who opened the school gate for the church on Sunday remembered me as I walked towards him and we exchanged greetings and a bit of chat.

The function rooms that were not converted to be the offices for the Youth Ministry and an activity room sprang to live with the furnishings and deco. I felt warm entering into that office though it was the first time I've actually stepped in there (when I left, the function rooms were being renovated so it was completely empty and "cold").

The whole feel of the service was different too - and I guess JK and his team did a great job after he took over as the Director of Youth Ministry. Although he jokingly said his hair is fast turning white, but I know deep down he enjoyed what he was doing and was glad he made the decision to switch from D&N to Youth. It has always been his passion to nurture young lives and be involved with them.

My FE attachment this semester would be back into this ministry as well, and I just hoped that I would be able to contribute greatly to this ministry that I have passion for. After a long while and break from the working partnership we used to have and enjoy, I certainly hope I can assist JK and his team to the fullest to bring this ministry to greater heights for the glory of our Lord.

Press in, press on - that's the focus for this ministry in this brand new year, and I certainly do pray that the youths will learn to be real with God and press in and press on for Him as they also learn to surrender their lives and rights to the living God.

Parties ... big bang ... resolutions ...

2009-01-02T13:03:00.000+08:00

Parties ... big bang ... resolutions ...

It seemed to be the norm to usher in the new year with parties, fireworks and big bang. Perhaps to celebrate the joy of a year's completion (good or bad), or to look forward with anticipation and excitement to the new one. Yet amidst all these merry-making, get-together with friends, loud music, stage management and planning, drinks and cheers, everything returned to normal after the big bang ... struggles continue, bacon needs to be brought in, bills need to be paid, children need to be tended to, and the world is still as chaotic as it was (or worse ...)

It seemed to also be the norm to draft up list and list of resolutions - what one determine to work towards in a fresh new year which was a let-down in the one past. Does resolutions work?? Perhaps for some, but no longer for me as they only made me feel more and more depressed when I looked into what I've failed to accomplish.

On this new year day, I thought I'll share a short devotion from the book "Experiencing God day-by-day" by Henry T. Blackaby and Richard Blackaby ...

"Resolutions

Read: John 21:15

Jesus has a wonderful way of restoring us when we fail Him! He does not humiliate us. He does not criticize us. He does not ask us to make a resolution to try harder. Rather, He takes us aside and asks us to reaffirm our love for Him.

Peter miserably failed his Lord when he fled with the other disciples from the Garden of Gethsemane. Later, he publicly denied that he even knew Jesus. Peter must have wondered if he had been capable of being Jesus' disciple when he was unfaithful to Jesus in His most crucial hour.

As you begin a new year, you may be painfully aware that you have failed your Lord in many ways. Perhaps you were not faithful. Perhaps you disobeyed His Word to you. Perhaps you denied Him by the way you lived. Jesus will take you aside, as He did Peter. He will not berate you. He will not humiliate you. He will ask you to examine your love for Him. He asked Peter, "Do you love Me?" If you answer, like Peter's, is "Yes, Lord," He will reaffirm His will for you. If you truly love Him, you will obey Him (John 14:15). Jesus does not need your resolutions, your recommitments, or your promises to try harder this year.

If your resolve to obey God last year did not help you to be faithful, it will not make you successful this year. Jesus asks for your love. If you truly love Him, your service for Him in the new year will be of the quality that He desires."

Blessed 2009!

2008-12-30T13:27:00.003+08:00

Blessed 2009!

The year 2008 is left with one more day before it bids its forever goodbye. The clock is fast ticking and the footsteps of 2009 is fast approaching.

In the midst of all the wishing and partying, it is more than normal to wish those we meet "a happy new year", or "happy 2009". But here I would like to wish everyone not just "a healthy and happy 2009" but also "a Spirit-led and Spirit-filled 2009".

May our days always be guided and directed by the Lord and may our lives always be filled with the Spirit from above.

Life's unpredictability

2008-12-20T13:11:00.000+08:00

Life's unpredictability

Life is unpredictable and James 4:14b reminds us that "you are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." Reports of sudden deaths and tragedies echoed this fact everyday as we turn to the newspaper. But I guess no matter how much we can read from these reports, the fact never quite hit home until we experienced it ourselves.

My cousin was warded in hospital for more than a week already. She had initially complained about headaches and tiredness. When she felt wobbly and weak in her limbs, my nephew brought her to the hospital. A brain scan was done and the report revealed a tumour that had grown in her head. She was warded immediately for further checks and observation. Since then, her conscious level had been on and off - at times seemingly better but the next turning worse.

Visiting her and seeing her lying on the hospital bed made me realized how unpredictable life really is (though I definitely knew this fact) and how amd why there is much urgency in sharing the Word of God to those who have not known Him. Christmas has already been a time where we are reminded once again of God's greatest gift to humanity, and the need to give away this gift to those who need it - yet sadly, Christmas has been too commercialized and instead of the Christ-child being shared and "given" away, material gifts has replaced Him, and the joy of receiving the most precious gift of eternal life has also been replaced by the joy of receiving gifts in material forms. Have we become so short-sighted and pleasure seeking that our hearts are easily satisfied by material things?

May our Christmas this year be filled with the Christ-child, His peace and love, instead of all the material possessions that are being put awy into cupboards and shelves after they are unwrapped ...

Christmas cards

2008-12-19T13:06:00.000+08:00

Christmas cards

How long has it been since you last received a Christmas card?? I don't mean those e-cards that is accessible when you logon to the website. I meant those hand-written cards mailed right to your doorsteps.

It was really heart-warming to receive Christmas cards this year - one from an ex-CG member who has transferred to another church because of distance and family, and another from an ex-student/GB-girl.

Though the messages were not very long, but the short note and the thoughts of the senders had already melted my heart. Where convenience has subtly crept in at this time and age, there are really not many people who would have bothered to shop for Christmas cards, set aside time to sit down and write the cards, bringing them to the letter box for mailing. Sending an e-card takes probably less than a minute, but writing a Christmas cards took easily 5 to 10 minutes, and these are the thoughts and gestures I held close to my heart, and that which I appreciated fully and surely =)

Thank you Lord for these wonderful friends and their love for You and for me!

Camp

2008-12-17T12:55:00.000+08:00

Camp

It's been many years since I last join the youths for their camps. Now that I'm going for this year's youth camp makes me feel somewhat "nervous", excited and kind of apprehensive. Well, I guess all these feelings are generated from the fact that I've left the youth ministry for a number of years already (at least 2 to 3 years??) and there are many fresh faces that I've not met nor interacted with. Many of those who went through the Sunday School years and who labored alongside as we started the youth service some years ago had also left for greener pastures (to adult service, overseas studies, etc).

Surprisingly, it was fairly easy for me to assimilate into the current culture and dynamics of the youth ministry. In fact, I believed God knew all my apprehension and fears, and made it so ready and easy for me even before the camp - I had fantastically enthusiatic and inclusive group leaders leading the group I was in =)

The other thing I was really thankful for was how some of the youths whom I've taught before in Sunday School - who used to be so quiet, meek and introvert - became godly leaders and examples for the younger ones. The camp commandant who used to be a fairly quiet and meek person is now commanding the entire camp of 227 persons!! Awesome!! And this was the kind of warmth and encouragement anyone involving in God's work and ministry would feel as they witnessed the fruits of their labor, even though at times many years later. I guess that must be how the apostle Paul's heart was so encouraged when the seeds he sowed during his missionary trips blossomed into fruits.

Seeing what God is doing in the youth ministry makes me excited about coming back to join them and once again be involved in the lives of these youths. May the Lord lead me to the right timing as I return back to where I once left off ...

The eyelash

2008-12-06T11:05:00.000+08:00

The eyelash

An eyelash went into my contact lens before I had it slipped into my eye. Immediately I felt something irritating my eyes and took the lens off the eye. An eyelash was what I saw. As I wash away the eyelash with saline before putting the lens into the eye again, I caught myself thinking ... "How sensitive our eyes are to little particles of irritants. In fact, most of body could feel the irritation when we are disturbed by something, except perhaps the heart ...

Yup, the heart.

Why do I say that? Don't you find that our heart is the most insensitive of all organs?? Especially with regard to sins in our lives - our hearts are so easily hardened towards sins, and we allow ourselves to indulge in pleasures and things that displeased the Lord. If only our heart can be as sensitive as the other parts of our body, just like how an eye immediately reacts to the irritating presence of an eyelash.

Search our hearts Lord, make it a heart of flesh and not a heart of stone!

Extravagant love

2008-12-04T14:31:00.003+08:00

Extravagant love

I was reading Luke 7:36-50 about Jesus being anointed by the sinful woman and was encouraged and challenged by the extravagant love she showed to Jesus.

For one, she was considered a sinner in the eyes of the righteous Pharisees, and perhaps by many of the common townfolk too. And two, she seemed to be shunned by her own people because of her liftstyle though the kind of life she lived wasn't made explicit in this passage. Three, I supposed she wasn't someone exceptionally rich, otherwise she wouldn't need to be living the kind of life which others considered sinful but perhaps was her means of livelihood.

Despite these factors, her love for Jesus was so extravagant...

- She was bold in expressing her love for Jesus - in the presence of all eyes, she boldly expresses her gratitude to the Lord in the way she found to be the best that He deserved.

- She was courageous enough to risk rejection and express her love to Jesus in such a public place. I supposed she does have a choice of going to Jesus when He is surrounded by fewer people.

- She was genuine in her expression of her love - her tears, her action of wiping the tears away on Jesus' feet with her hair, kissing Jesus' feet and anointing His feet with perfume ...

- She was appreciative and grateful. Because of what God has done for her, she returned with great appreciation and love. Perhaps the proprtion of love shown is sometimes expressed by the gratitude felt??? Isn't it, read Luke 7:47b "he who has been forgiven little loves little."

Many of us exclaimed that we love God, and many of us are comfortable enough expressing this love within our circle of Christian friends and church. The real test comes when we need to show extravagant love to Jesus in a place where all eyes are on us ... when everybody else but us say we know and follow Jesus ... when our lives and reputation are at stake ...

I saluate this woman and what she has done. In somewhat identical accounts recorded in Matthew 26:6-13, Mark 14:3-9 and John 12:2-8 (note: Matthew & Mark recorded Jesus at the home of Simon the Leper in Bethany, while John records Mary the sister of Lazarus as the one anointing Jesus), Jesus commended the action of this woman. As much as she was extravagant in her love towards Jesus, Jesus' love to each one of us is even more extravagant. Do we show Him less than what He deserve? In this Advent and Christmas season, may we refresh, renew and revive our love for the Lord.

24 hours don't seem to be enough

2008-12-01T23:23:00.000+08:00

24 hours don't seem to be enough

Have you ever, like me, "complain" or "lament" that time never seem to be enough for us to use? Just when we wanted to work on something, it's time to move on to another - dinner, sleeping, another appointment, etc, etc.

I had something to attend to in the morning and after my appointment rushed back home to fetch mum for her medical appointment at NUH. Her appointment time was 4.15pm and we knew that it's going to be a real long wait since experience tells us that patients with appointments earlier than ours will usually take longer time with the doctor and hence everyone's turn to see the doctor gets pushed down later. We didn't expect the wait to be beyond 5pm and by the time mum saw her doctor, it was 5.45pm!!! Gosh, and not forgetting the collection of medicine from the pharmacy - another long wait. By the time we settle everything, it was already 7pm or so.

On our way back, mum was just expressing her thoughts about how time passes by so quickly everyday - first it seemed that we kind of just celebrated the beginning of 2008 ... then it was the Lunar New Year ... after that it was mid-year, then mid-autumn festival and wheeze ... before you know it, Christmas is just around the corner and so too the footsteps of another new year.

Indeed, sometimes we might feel that 24 hours is not enough but I guess when God planned that 24 hour cycle, in His wisdom He knew that's what is sufficient for us everyday, and perhaps beyond that our body just might not manage. I guess how we each manage time differs, but time is a precious commodity, nobody has more than any other, and nobody has less.

End of another semester

2008-11-29T20:06:00.002+08:00

End of another semester

I can't believe a month has fast passed by without any blogging or updates!!! Have been real busy preparing for Hebrew exam and churning out all the papers, besides taking a short breather with my family to Hanoi.

I've finally submitted all my papers and cleared them out of the way - it's a real relief and the feeling is just so good - like a bird let out free! I used to FBk in between writing to relief stress as well as to clear my mind (yup, pal don't believe that when I'm playing games my mind is actually pondering through points and thinking, but well - it's just me and my multi-tasking mode), now that all the papers are submitted, FBking is certainly "guilt-free" =)

Having thrown in all the papers, it also meant that another semester has ended. Not counting those times when I did modules as an occasional student, I've been through 5 semesters with the college already, and 5 semesters with my current classmates. Not a long time, not a short time either. Many things happened during these 5 semesters - we were reminded to look out for each other and help one another ... we had opportunities to work together in which we discovered more of each others' strengths and weaknesses, beauty and ugliness ... we had time when we wanted to just come together, sipping coffee and talk nonsense; but we also had times when we decided to distant each other and keep the space ...

What will my final semester be? I really have no idea, but I only hope it will be one without regrets - patching up with friends who I have misunderstood or vice versa, giving my best shot for the last lap, allowing God to continue to mold and strengthen my character through this final lap of training, continuing to encourage pal as we work together towards our goal.

Thus far, the one person that kept me going (besides God) is pal - although I know that maintaining work and study isn't easy for her, but her courage and endurance as she grit her teeth to cope with each semester truly amazes me. I guess that's why we always found comfort in each other, and also worked well together whenever we partner for projects and assignments.

We just need to keep on, keeping on ...

It's worth it afterall ...

2008-11-01T19:21:00.000+08:00

It's worth it afterall ...

Today marks the end of my field attachment with the prison ministry, and hence my final session of Bible Study with the inmates. I had been wondering if I should tell the inmates last week when I met them, but thought I should not.

Today's session was really small - just 3 of us, 2 inmates and myself. 1 inmate had to work at the canteen, and another inmate had ceased labor as she awaits the transfer to Turning Point in a few days' time. Even though it was a small group, but we had a great time of worship, sharing, fellowship, praying, and studying the Word of God together.

What encouraged me all along as I serve in this ministry was the inmates' desire to learn, their openness to share, and their humility and teachability. Of course, their gratitude towards life even though locked behind the bars was something that rubbed on me - they look not to the sentence they had to serve, or the punishment they had received as a result of the crime committed - they always look with thanks to the little things God had blessed them even when they are in prison.

My 2 sisters reminded me as I share with them that today's session will be my final one with them, that all that I had done will not be in vain, and they are truly thankful for my time with them, the sessions we had together, etc. What more joy do I need to have, than to hear these encouraging words and a reminder to press on as we labor in the ministry for the Lord! I certainly hope to be able to connect back with my dear sisters when they are released from prison and that they will continue to encounter the Lord in every day of their life.

Dear Lord, watch over them, and I know You will. Thank you in Jesus' name. Amen.

The grass is always greener ...

2008-10-30T21:19:00.004+08:00

The grass is always greener ...

Had not been able to blog much lately since I'm caught up with the stress of paper generating ... the agony of sleeping, eating and drinking piles of reading material ... the rush of attending lessons and finding time to write, rest, sleep (that is a real luxury!!!) ...

Anyway, since the beginning of time, humanity has never been a contented lot. Why do I say that? Well, at least I discover or am reminded about it from my own self ...

- this is the time of paper writing and I found myself sighing lots and saying "stress, stress, stress" a lot. Haha, since when had studying become a stress?? I thought I had always wanted to take time off from stressful work to study, and enjoy the care-free life of a student?

- most of the lecturers had already completed their syllabus for the subjects my juniors are taking, and some gave them time off so that they have more time to work on their papers and prepare for exams. I found myself responding almost immediately, "WOW, so good!!"

And almost immediately when I found myself reacting in the above ways, I was reminded about how I should complain less, and give thanks more. And that's why I was prompted to want to write and blog about "the grass is always greener ..." - ALWAYS, when we have a heart filled with envy that is unsettled by a sense of heartfelt gratitude to God.

Forgive me Lord, for my complaining attitude and being ungrateful towards You and Your provisions that are already so rich in my life.

Integrate, not segregate

2008-10-14T22:40:00.000+08:00

Integrate, not segregate

ST's senior political correspondent Lydia Lim wrote well on the issue of our treatment concerning the foreign workers in the light of the saga in a certain private residential area in this little red dot.

When I first read about the violent objections raised by the residents in this area (not that what they raised were not valid concerns), but I felt that some were fairly blown out of proportion and too much of stereotyping.

The picture together with this write-up on 14th Oct 2008 sums up our attitude towards these foreign workers. We had often fail to consider the human rights and benefits of these bunch of people. We had often put ourselves high above them and treated them in fairly demeaning manner. We had often been suspicious of them as if every single one of them are up to no good. We had also been utilitarian in our attitude - when we need them, we bid them come ... when our chores are completed, we tell them "GO" ... at the rate our society is going, I'm really worried about the kind of generation we are raising up ...

The writer also commended another neighborhood for their good work in integrating the foreign workers staying in their area to help patrol the area and organizing community activities which included them. This is what we should do if we want to be a gracious community and society.

I understand the valid concerns for security and so on, but taking a step to think about the sort of images our citizens had "procure" in the hearts of other nationalities, dare we to say we are not "tempted" sometimes, to defend ourselves and yell, "NO, we aren't what you had perceived us to be ... give us a chance to prove it ..." then where's the chance we should be giving to someone who needs our embrace and love when this country is where they can call their home while they are here??

A great song!!

2008-10-12T22:29:00.001+08:00

A great song!!

There are many songs written and music composed, but not very many are those whose words and music click so well that the message within the song comes so alive. I was back to playing keyboard for the Mandarin service, besides leading worship at the main traditional service on different Sundays, and one of the song that touched my heart and ministered to me so much was this song:

神的羔羊

(2005 Lamb Music & Ministries)

天地摇动
日月无光
天使低头无语

他被举起
鲜血流尽
舍命在骷髅地

副歌
圣洁神子
成为人子
成为代罪的羔羊
为我的罪
为我的泪
甘心挂在十架上

From the words itself, perhaps one can't tell how ministering it was, but the composer wrote this piece in Dm key, and expressed and depicted so well the Calvary scene - the darkened sky, the silent angels, the blood shed, the life given - willingly - for your sins and mine, for your tears and mine.

I can't express the emotions the song brought up just by writing, but I only knew that as I was playing the song, my emotions were stirred and my heart felt so ministered. I almost felt my eyes being wet when I was playing the keyboard solo for this song in the midst of worship.

Thank you Lord ... for what You had done for each one of us ... and for inspiring the composition of such a fine song.

Walking stick

2008-10-11T22:21:00.000+08:00

Walking stick

Mum finally decided that she needs a proper walking stick. She has been using an umbrella as her support since she felt her legs lacking in strength and needing such external forms of support. The umbrella has kind of "succumbed" under the constant pressure exerted, and that was when mum finally said, "Can we go buy a proper walking stick?"

Well, not that we are not keen to get a proper walking stick for mum when she needed it. In fact, many years ago when her limbs are not as strong, we had already suggested to her the idea that she might really need such aids. I guess using a walking stick is a stigma for older persons, and her responses on a few occasions when we raise the topic was an adamantly negative.

Her response then and now led me to think about outreach to older persons. Sometimes, we really have to give them time to reason and think through what we have suggested to them, or in the case of the Gospel, what we have preached to them. Simply by pushing the suggestions we rendered as good, but for them perhaps a stigma then, would just backfire. Yes, the need to preach the Gospel and their responses are urgent, but then we really need to exercise sensitivity and love, and trust that God holds everything in His hand and that He will use what we have offered to Him and softened and convict heart.

A simple instrument in the form of a walking stick has reminded me much ...

College anniversary

2008-10-03T21:52:00.000+08:00

College anniversary

Today marks the "end" of the series of events lined up in celebration of the college's 60th anniversary since the beginning of the year.

To be honest, I don't really feel the celebration that very special, except that we managed to invite one of the minister to the dinner ... the college printed special anniversary booklet ...

I have no qualms about celebrating when we need to, but when I saw the booklets that were left behind by guests after the dinner, and the tired personnel who run events after events throughout the year because of this celebration, I wonder if it's worth all the efforts, time and finances.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not criticising any of these events or the way things were done, I'm just thinking aloud our concept of celebration. Does it have to be something elaborate before it can be considered a celebration?? Can't celebration be simple fare too? What's important - the people that are celebrating, or the scale of the events that bring people together to celebrate? Hmmm.....

A simple outing

2008-10-01T21:43:00.001+08:00

A simple outing

Time together with family and friends are always the best part of life, isn't it? ... Where you share bonds that are forged, understanding, common goals and interests, topics under the sun where you can just chatter on and on ...

Sis and I took mum out for a simple seafood lunch at Changi Village with eldest sis, bro-in-law, and 5th sis. Mum always love every opportunity to be able to be out of the house. She's not the adventurous person, neither has she many friends - all because she tied herself to the household ever since she married my dad. Her circle revolves around her husband, her children and all the relatives. Yet she never grumble nor blame anyone. She was content to be a good mother and a disciplinarian to her children. Because of the years she spent at home, she never had chances to venture out on her own to explore places even around this small island - she's largely dependent on us to bring her around. She always felt the trauma of being lost coming back to her when she recounted how she brought my cousin to view our then new flat many years ago ...

On the way to collect our car, we took a short walk around and mum was so happy to see the sea, the ferry point, the boats, Changi park, etc. Since we were never airport, we decided to detour on our way back home to T3 for some more fun, and we're glad we went - mum had such a great time!! The only pity was that none of us brought our camera along coz we thought we were only going out for lunch =(

The short time of bonding together reminded me it's not about the places we go to that matters, but whose company we are in. And family members are people who are always close to our heart, people who are always there for us and who accepts us unconditionally. Thank God for families =)

Cheapest birthday treat ever ...

2008-09-23T18:54:00.002+08:00

Cheapest birthday treat ever ...

A few of us were off after class group to celebrate Chye's birthday (this Friday but he won't be in school and all other days this week just don't seem feasible) and we all had a great time of fellowship together =) Not only that, it was the least anyone of us (I believe) had ever spent on a birthday treat!! =)

Well, "blame it" on the birthday boy ... I was asking him yesterday to take his pick from the eateries at Rail Mall, and he said he wanted McDonalds lunch time value meal that costs $4.50. LOL!! And Clarence and myself thought he was joking when he mentioned McDonalds.

Before we left McDonalds, Mag was asking how much we each had to pay Ant since he paid for Chye's meal. Well, since 9 of us were paying for Chye's meal, it works out to be $0.50 for each!! So not only does the birthday boy know how much we all chipped in for his meal, we ended up paying Ant right before the eyes of our birthday boy too! Haha ...

Although it was only a few of us (some classmates had graduation sub-com meeting) but we had a wonderful time of fellowship together.

And this is for Chye ...
"Hey brother, don't measure your worth based on the value of your birthday meal k ... you know we all appreciated you dearly =)

May you continue to seek after the heartbeat of God and may the Lord continue to grant you great passion for Him and His people as you serve Him with all your heart.

Thanks for being such an encouraging and wonderful brother!"

Be thankful

2008-09-17T21:02:00.000+08:00

Be thankful

My attachment with the prison ministry opens my eyes to many things, and at the same time reminded me about being thankful for the little things we often take for granted.

- An inmate who worked in the canteen got scalded / burnt on one of her finger while working. Her wound was getting fairly bad as the area had turned somewhat blackish - not a good sign. We had been praying for her that her request to see a specialist would be granted. It's more than a month and she's still waiting. Aren't we thankful that we get to see doctors as and when we need to when we are unwell?? Please pray for her that God will contain her condition that it will not become overly serious when she gets to see the specialist. Pray that her request will be expediated as well.

- Another inmate who constantly worry about her mother who is not in good health. She fears a day when the prison officers will convey a message of bad news to her. Aren't we thankful we have our loved ones near and around us so very often?

- One inmate in her busyness at work made an innocent mistake - one that should not have happened in the first place, a real careless oversight - and she was segregated from the rest and deprived of attending weekly BS sessions. Aren't we thankful for opportunities where we can swing by to church very Sunday, as well as every opportunity to meet up with friends whenever we want to? We need not be an island, or "forced" to be an island.

Little things - but when you see them through the eyes of those who are deprived, you learn to see them in new perspective. I'm definitely thankful to the Lord for these opportunities to minister to the inmates, and I pray that I'll be able to have opportunities to explore this ministry further with my CG or with my church ... pray with me! And most importantly, be thankful to the Lord for everything!!

You are the apple of my eyes

2008-09-13T21:02:00.001+08:00

You are the apple of my eyes

Another song the inmates taught me ...

You are the apple of my eyes

You are so precious in my sight

You are the diamond that I long for

You are the pearl of great price

You are the crowns in my hands

You are the jewel in my sight

You are the bride that I long for

You are my joy, my delight

I love you (x4)

It's a song spoken by the Lord to each one of us. Granted, I'm usually not someone who feels comfortable with songs of this nature as I felt that God should be the focus and not mankind, but in this case, I'm somehow so drawn by the song - especially when I'm reminded of the people who have taught me this song ...

The inmates that I ministered to are a bunch who are receiving their due punishment for breaking the law. No matter how confident they are in our presence, within them the inferiority complex and feelings of unworthiness are just waiting to erupt ... very simply, if they encounter one unkind word, or one unkind act. Very often, they felt that their lives had been messed up, their future seems so marred. Sometimes just a short prayer for them, a little hug, or some words of encouragement would be sufficient to lift up their spirits, and that's when I find songs of this nature so apt to be learnt by them.

While we were learning to sing the song, the song leader (an inmate) suggests we changed the pronoun from "you" to "I", affirming before God how precious indeed we all are before Him. I could see the feelings in them - that of being loved - when they sang it in this way.

My personal feel is that our society has become more and more self-absorbed, more and more selfish, less and less accepting and considerate - especially when we think about the recent situation (refer to my previous blog entries a week or so ago ...), and even to our very own countryman but those who are considered to be on the fringe, or the inmates, etc - we are no less "mean" as compared to our treatment of foreigners.

One of the building I drove by has this banner: Ex-offenders face a second prison - our prejudice. How true, but yet how heartbreaking!

The altar

2008-09-11T21:02:00.001+08:00

The altar

It's been a while since I played Ray Boltz's album "moments for the heart", and hearing some songs in the album just brings back reminders about what God has done for us and how He persists in loving us even though we failed Him time and again.

"The altar" particularly captured my attention this time round and I began to ponder about the significance of the altar and what the altar symbolize for us in our context today. The altar is a place where unblemished sacrifices are offered to the Lord, a place where there's cleansing before one enters into the holy presence of God - and that's when sacrifices were still needed before Jesus came and paid it all for everyone in this world, on the cross.

In our churches today, whether we call it space constraint, architecture design, modernize concepts, etc - the altar is sometimes "missing" and not found in the church. For churches with altar, very typically a Bible will be found on it. I was made to ask myself - what then is the significance of the altar? How does the presence of an altar help to draw us into the presence of God? What takes place when we come before the altar and lay all that we have on it and present them to the Lord?

The words of Ray Boltz's song speaks so well of what the altar is about ... words and music by Ray Boltz and Steve Millikan

The service is nearing the end

The choir is singing "just as I am"

And now as the old song is played

People at the altar are kneeing down to pray

Some are finding mercy

Forgiveness for their sin

Some are fighting battles

And they're struggling to win

The time has come to give them to the Lord

That's what the altar is for

Chorus

That's what the altar is for

You don't have to carry those burdens anymore

There's a light in the darkness

There's a love that's true

And Jesus is waiting

He is waiting here for you

Go quickly now before they close the door

That's what the altar is for

A father is praying with his son

A mother kneels besides them

Thanking God they've come

An old man is standing there in tears

Giving up a part of him

That he's held back for years

Hearts are being broken

Lives are being changed

And those who called upon Him

They will never be the same

The time has come to give in to the Lord

That's what the altar is for

The altar - a place where burdens changed shoulders ... a place where Jesus will be there faithfully to meet with us ... a place where it's perfectly fine to be vulnerable and broken ... a place where broken spirits and contrite hearts will not be despised ... a place where humility is needed in order for restoration to take place ... a place where surrender is necessary in order to find release ... and it's definitely a place of fragrance - because the Lord is more than delighted to receive all these that are offered there.

How long has it been since we come in humility and honesty before the altar? Perhaps "the time has come ... that's what the altar is for ..."

Why the different treatment?

2008-09-08T14:08:00.003+08:00

Why the different treatment?

The possibility of converting an un-used school in the Serangoon Garden Estate had raised many alarms and many responses. As I read the various reports in the papers, questions begin to form within me:-

1) Why do we treat foreigners differently? Think about how we treat expatriates and normal construction or manual workers. Do we "look up" to expatriates because they are more skilled, more educated, speak better English, wiser, come from a more "upperty class" country and (most of the time) people of a "higher" class? Do we then "look down" to manual workers because they have very little education, speak little (or not-at-all) English, come from poor countries (perhaps we consider them country bumpkins?), smell yucky because they had to sweat themselves out everyday to earn a living?

2) What result in viewing these manual workers in such negative manner? Are they being "stereotyped" because of their poverty and background? Are we assuming all poor people have a tendency to steal?? What then about the rich who are tempted to misappropriate funds so that they can be richer? Funny how we don't like all the KS labels to stick with us, and how we are being stereotyped by people in other countries, yet we are doing the very same thing to foreigners in our land - people who innocently and decently seek a meal everyday by working with their own hands.

3) Has it ever occur to us what it meant for them to leave their country and carve out a living here, all because they care for their families back home and wanted to provide them with a better life? Do they deserve to demean in such manner? Instead of providing them a place where they can feel happy in the absence of family warmth, are we depriving them of such basic acceptance? I wonder how we would feel if we get posted to their country and when we have to live with their people - how would we have hope they would accept and view us?

Don't you agree that we are creatures who often contradict ourselves?? Just think about this ... whenever someone comes to know of the plight of some foreign workers squatting in quarters behind some bushes, or those who had been mistreated by their employers, we raise our concerns and say they deserve better treatment. Now that our government want to give them a decent place to stay and when it penetrate right in to threaten our comfort zone, we say, "Wait a minute, I think you ought to re-think your decision."

With whatever that is said, I do understand the concerns raised by the residents - they are not without reasons for concern. Yet again I think the basic responsibility falls onto each individual. I kind of "laugh it off" when I read about the concern that the foreign works are viewed as a potential molesters. Well, I always believe it takes two hands to clap - if our women would have the decency to dress in more modest manner, would they have invited temptations? And it's not just the foreign workers that fall prey into such temptations - any men would, if our womanfolk are not behaving decent enough.

I wonder if we should give a chance to these foreign workers to prove themselves - that they are not such a nusiance as we perceived them to be. Can we ever imagine if God segregate us based on the criteria of how we accept or reject people - you like that?? I won't.

Matthew 5:45b-48 "He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect."

Well, take what I write with a pinch of salt - it's just my views and my opinion. Just needed to express some of these thoughts in writing.

A self-centered society??

2008-09-05T13:56:00.000+08:00

A self-centered society??

Each day in ST this week, a page in HOME has been "devoted" to gracious or graceless. A few aspects of life has been examined - table manners, toilet habits, care of cinema, etc.

The reports seemed to display more ugliness than the graciousness of our citizens. It began to dawn on me if the generation we are cultivating has become a more and more self-centered and selfish one. We seemed to have become:-

- a take-it-for-granted generation - whatever is done for us, we seemed to think that we are deserving of it. Therefore, very little words of appreciation are expressed. Where have the "please", "may I", thank you", etc gone to?

- if it ain't mine, I don't care about it - whether it's the usage of toilets or patronizing the cinema, etc, our mentality has become, "why should we bother to care for it since others are not bothered at all?", or "it's not my home, there's cleaning ladies or sweepers to clean the place - give them some work, why bother myself to go through the trouble of taking care of it?"

- someone will clean up after me, anyway - yup, we live in a generation where both parents are off to work and domestic helpers tend the home, doing everything from almost A to Z. Our youngsters these days don't even know how to wash a cup properly, make a drink for themselves, cook a simple meal, or tidy up their own room. And we are actually "transferring" such mentality from our home into the society.

- it's all about ME - after all, it's my entitlement, I paid for it. Isn't it true - such is our mentality. The money we are fortunate enough to be able to spend thumb down everything and everyone. It's about ME - I can afford it, and since I paid for it, I must make sure I feel good about it. Again, it's about ME - it's about feeling GOOD.

Honestly speaking, if this is the kind of society and generation we are cultivating, I really feel worried .... don't you?

When the cost of disobedience is a precious life

2008-09-03T13:45:00.000+08:00

When the cost of disobedience is a precious life

It saddens my heart to read about the 16 year-old boy who took his brother's car out for a drive and never made it back alive. Obviously, he did not have a driver's licence. Well, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that with a drivers' licence, accidents can be prevented.

What brought to reminder was his "disobedience" that cost him his very life - disobedient to the state laws about driving without a licence ... disobedient to the fact that he was under-age and he should have waited until he turned 18 to obtain an official licence under formal driving lessons ... disobedient (perhaps) to his family's concern (I supposed so though it wasn't explicitly mentioned in the papers about his relationship with his folks).

Don't we find a parallel of his disobedience within each one of us too? Very often, we just want our ways and we want it NOW. We pray and pray, we ask and ask, we seek and seek - and when we do not get answers or when God is silent, we dig our own way out - usually in disobedience. Most of the times, we get hard knocks, bad bruises, shattered spirit as a result of our disobedience.

James 4:2-3 "You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."

Disobedience and rebellion - it has been humanity's problem since the beginning of time, and it still is. Sometimes I wonder how much we need to go through, and how long does it take before we can finally remember (humanity are such forgetful creatures!!) - submit in obedience to God and His will for us for He is a God who has good plans for our lives (Jer 29:11).

To him, you're everything ...

2008-09-01T13:38:00.000+08:00

To him, you're everything ...

With a lovely doggies as the background, the words on a poster in the vet clinic reads, "To you, he's a dog; to him, you're everything."

Reading these words each time I bring my pet(s) to visit the vet never fail to remind me about my responsibility as a pet owner. It reminded me afresh about how frail pets can be and how they depend solely on us, their pet owners to provide for them in their entire life, and to shower them with care and love. Sometimes, the words bring a shame and guilt within me as I recall how little time I've spent with my pets in the busyness of life.

As I ponder about these words, it rings true in our relationship with God too. Perhaps to many of us, God is just God - He's just "one" of the many commitments we have in our lives. Yet for the Lord Himself, each one of us is everything to Him - despite the fact that we are all like grains of sand in this universal ... despite the fact that God is busy enough to attend to thousands or even millions of matters on hand everyday that is happening around the globe.

Unlike our pets, God doesn't have to depend on us for happiness, care or love - in fact, He's the One who showers all that we need to us. Yet it's amazing that to us, He's God; to Him, we are everything.

Romans 5:8 "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

That nervous feeling ...

2008-08-30T16:23:00.003+08:00

That nervous feeling ...

It's "funny" how my classmates (myself included) still feel the jitters and butterflies in our stomach when we are due for presentations before the entire class. Just the recent sermon illustration which took 3 weeks for the entire class to clear our turns, I noticed that every single one of us felt nervous when we are standing in front of the entire class presenting our illustrations.

Bro said that it was because we know that the attention of the entire class will be on us during those moments ... pal said that it was because we were handling the Word of God, and we felt the pressure of it, especially before the presence of fellow classmates undergoing the same equipping process, and some who are even more well versed and knowledgable that us.

While I guess both of them had valid points, I supposed the "pressure" also come from the fact that those evaluating you and assessing you are the very people you are familiar with, and at times when we hear true comments and feedback (despite how helpful they are) from friends we know and who know us, it takes a lot more humility and courage to swallow what's given. Comparing with standing in the presence of a congregation that you hardly know and giving a message, it is actually perhaps less "frightening".

Personally, I think having all these jitters are good signs - it reminds us that we should not be overly dependent on ourselves (our abilities or our flesh) but to be dependent on God, more so when it is His Word we are handling and delivering. James 3:1 reminds us that "not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly." However, the nervousness should also not be something that overshadow our confidence such that we appear weak and wobbly before our congregation, causing them to discredit our ability even before God use us to speak for Him.

When hurts turn into anger ...

2008-08-28T20:05:00.004+08:00

When hurts turn into anger ...

STTA seemed to have been making lots of news lately, especially with the achievement of a long-awaited silver medal from the table-tennis team after 48 years, with the absence of a coach to boost Gao Ning in the man's table-tennis match, the untimely decision concerning the fate of the head coach and team manager.

From what the press has reported, Gao Ning seemed to have broken the silence ever since the incident happened. He does seemed to have been really badly hurt - when he felt preferential treatment was given to the female players, when he felt really lost and alone during the match, when he felt unfairly treated even during his days of practices where focus seemed to zoom in only on the female players, when he felt worse than a second-class citizen.

I have no rights to comment on whatever he has spoken and shared - afterall it had been a really painful and hurting experience, or perhaps "nightmare" which he would never want to re-live. Yet when I read about how he spur himself on for the 2012 Olympic Games, with words that seemed to burn with fury and anger, I can't help but become a bit worried for him.

It led me to think about how hurts inflicted on another person can lead the victim to turn into "another" person - one that is consumed with anger, fury, rage, vengeful thoughts, hardening of heart as defense and protective mechanism, etc. While we should try at all cost not to be the ones that hurt another person who is himself/herself made in the image of God, we should perhaps also learn to surrender our hurts and wounds to the Lord, in the unfortunate situation when we become the victim of another person's affliction.

I mentioned in my previous post that I had also just emerged from a difficult week - honestly, if it had not been the Word of God that sustained me, and the note a brother shared via FB, I would still have held on to the hurts and the pain felt, and together with it anger and fury to those whom I felt had done me wrong. But well, I've recognized my own faults in the entire incident and had realized that I had been responsible to a large extent concerning what had happened. I've learnt to let go and let God ... I've learnt to forget whatever is unpleasant that I may have more brain cells to hold on to good memories instead ... I've learnt to close the case and move on.

When hurts turn into anger, it can snowball into something big and dangerous. I'm not sure about you, but if you are willing, please join with me to pray for Gao Ning that he will experience the healing of the Lord despite the painful incident.

Prov 30:33 "For as churning the milk produces butter, and as twisting the nose produces blood, so stirring up anger produces strife."

Criticism vs critique

2008-08-27T17:59:00.002+08:00

Criticism vs critique

For the past 3 weeks, my classmates (myself included) were presenting a 3-minute illustration to illustrate a biblical point we are making, and we could use any forms - drama, story, video, testimony, etc - to illustrate our point. At the end of each person's presentation, our lecturer invites us to present our comments so that we can learn from each other. Bro noted that while we give each other feedback and comments, we are very kind to one another, in the sense that we picked up a lot of very good points and very few (or should I say rarely) were the negative aspects highlighted. He was raising his little concern with me, if this was a healthy evaluation we each needed, more so as he recognized that when we are out in the ministry or in the field, if we carry on some blindspots which could have been highlighted to us during our equipping days, that would have been more beneficial.

His comments set me thinking about the difference and the fine line between criticism and critique, and how does critique slip into criticism, or how can criticism be turned into critique. In my mind, I know the difference but I thought I'll search for a more "concrete" definition from experts, and I referred to Wikipedia who gave the following:-

"The term critique derives from the Greek term kritik, meaning "discerning judgment", usually of the value of something.

Constructive criticism (which I believe is perhaps fairly similar to what critique is) is a compassionate attitude towards the person qualified for criticism. Having higher experience, gifts, respect, knowledge in specific field and being able to verbally convince at the same time, this person is intending to uplift the other person materially, morally, emotionally or spiritually.

Destructive criticism is intended to harm someone, derogate and destroy someone’s creation, prestige, reputation and self-esteem on whatever level it might be. This may be done intentionally or out of sheer ignorance and foolishness.

An alternative definition of the difference is "Criticism by me is constructive. Criticism of me is destructive." More usefully, whether criticism is constructive or destructive depends heavily on the use the listener makes of it."

Yet sometimes when we deal with people whom we know hurt easily or whose confidence are shaken easily, we do wonder if we should even critique at all ... what's your take?

Sparkles and sunshine - I want you back!

2008-08-26T20:31:00.002+08:00

Sparkles and sunshine - I want you back!

Friends who know me know that I wear my feelings on my face, and I'm not someone who can pretend that nothing has happened when something has happened. In short, I'm not a pretender - if there's a word such as this.

The last week has been difficult - don't ask me why, I don't want to talk about it. I had to confront myself and face my own unworthiness - and the more I saw it, the worse I became. I felt really really small in the presence of others - whether they had anything to do with what had happened or not. Being in college each day was an agony - to me I had to "pretend" that I'm ok, that I'm fine, when in actual fact I still wrestle, I still struggle, I still hurt deep ... It just takes someone to ask me, "are you ok?", even if that person has no prior knowledge that I'm in my roller-coaster state, and my useless tears will just spring up in less than a second and fill my eyes. I remember Leng used to say that I'm a very strong person when it comes to managing problems, but I guess she probably didn't realize the buckets shed behind the strength shown, haha.

I had spent time in the presence of the Lord, but I guess recovery takes time - when someone feels worthless, it will take a while for confidence to rebuild, isn't it?? As I continue to wrestle and struggle, I read a short note posted by an alumni in his FB which was exactly what I felt I needed to hear and read. At the end of the day when troubles confront us, difficult as the times may be, when we choose to give them to the Lord, He will use what we've gone through for His glory and make us better persons.

I do noticed in my own self the disappearance of sparkle in my eyes and the sunshine smile that people have always known me for - and I do want to have them back! Someone once said, "don't tell God how big your storms are, tell your storms how big God is!" I'll do just that, and as I learn to surrender and submit my nightmares, my agony, my struggles into God's hand, I'm thankful for His very patience with me.

Betrayal

2008-08-24T22:09:00.005+08:00

Betrayal

The absence of a coach at the match played by the top male table-tennis player, Gao Ning, at the Olympic itself spark off much criticism. While it is not for outsiders to comment or decide on what has actually happened, and why the unfortunate situation actually arose, many felt for Gao Ning and the hurt he must have felt.

As a 3rd party, I guess and I figure, Gao Ning must have felt shocked, hurt and deeply betrayed. Shocked at how little value he perhaps must have held, in comparison to the 3 female players, which in actual fact all of them are representing the same shore ... hurt when it must have been evident that his opponents and others had fans and those they trust around them, and at the crucial moment where he needed support most, those whom he hoped would be there to cheer them on visibly disappear in thin air at that moment ... deeply betrayed by an act he had not at all anticipated, or in any sense prepared for.

For a man who have to obviously fight back his tears when spoken to, I reckon the hurt felt must have been really really deep, and the wound cut must have driven really really wide and sore. Although it seems that apologies had been extended, and Gao Ning has also seemed to have accepted the apologies according to reports, I believe things will never be the same again.

Just like someone trying to mend pieces of shattered mirror to make it whole again, the crack will be there and no matter how things return to normal, they will never be the same again. And the reality and fact about someone experiencing betrayal is that - the incident will haunt them over and over again, the hurt will be uncover now and then, the confidence in people and themselves will be shaken ...

Jesus Himself went through the agony of being betrayed by someone very dear and close to Him, someone who spent 3 years with Him. Much as He knew the weaknesses of his betrayer, He was still willing to associate and relate to him. In fact, Jesus Himself had also cautioned his betrayer since he foreknew the act, but alas! his betrayer went ahead to do what he thought was justifiable and right. If there's someone who can empathize with the hurt Gao Ning has felt, it would really be Jesus Himself. Careless mistakes, careless man, one second is all it takes ... for any betrayal to happen.

I'm not an ardent fan of any sports, but when I read about what Gao Ning went through, my heart just went right out to him. And I pray that the Lord will heal him of this injuiry that careless others had inflicted on him, intentionally or unintentionally.

Wisdom and folly

2008-08-23T13:02:00.003+08:00

Wisdom and folly

Between wisdom and folly, it's just a fine thin line - an invisible line, but yet the decision to act wisely or foolishly can result in great benefits or lead to great disaster. I am my own victim, of my own folly, yet at the same time, I've benefitted in wisdom from these follies. Painful and hard, but at the end of the day I guess I've grown and wise up ...

A picture of comfort

2008-08-21T22:33:00.002+08:00

A picture of comfort

It has often been said that "a picture paints a thousand words". I guess, at different journey in our life, we need different picture to cheer us, encourage us, or even comfort us. I had always found this picture comforting, and hoped that it brings much warm to your heart as it did mine ...

Won't it be a feeling funny??

2008-08-17T22:42:00.002+08:00

Won't it be a feeling funny??

Tonight's the night where the eyes of most in this little red dot were locked onto the big screen for the decisive match between China and our table-tennis representative.

I'm not into sports and definitely don't know much about a lot of sports, for sure table-tennis is one of them. As the TV was turned on at home, sis was giving me a little briefing about the scoring, the numbers of matches per game, what determines the win or lose, etc. For one that is watching the match played LIVE, I felt the stress as well - maybe the stress was transmitted from the players, all the way from China into this little red dot, and plunging itself right into my home, right where I am, haha. The stress made me decide after a few minutes of the match that I'll be better off (ie. less stressful) for not watching, and return to my books instead, which in comparison, seems less stressful =)

The match that was being played by the 2 countries made me ponder about how funny it would feel, especially if our representatives from the little red dot finally manage to clinge a gold medal for us ...

Just think about it - our players are not born citizens in our country, they are imported, and to be precise, imported from the very country where this game is held. I wonder how they would feel if they successfully clinge the gold. Would they be really happy - happy that they represented little red dot?? How would their fellow citizens in China view them should they clinge the gold for little red dot, and not for China itself? Would they be deemed as betraying their country where they were born? And even if a gold medal was finally won for us, would we be REALLY happy about it? ... Yes, perhaps for the gold medal, but when we actually think about whether we deserve the medal, in actual fact, in my humble opinion, I wouldn't be, because it wasn't won by a true-bred citizen.

Nope, don't get me wrong, I'm not in any way demeaning our sports representative or failing to accord honor to them for their hardwork and practices all these while for the sake of the country. I just lament the fact that our own citizens seemed to be so absorbed in pursuits that seemed "much glorious" and beneficial that for us, that sports or music (any of the arena where entertainments, arts, sports, etc) are deemed to be something that we cannot survive on - impractical, to put it in plain terms.

I'm not in any way envious at all of our representatives as I try and identify with perhaps their dilemma in what I've written above, but I do thank God for them for their willingness to be counted as and with one of us in this little red dot.

Coffee

2008-08-15T21:24:00.003+08:00

Coffee

For a long time, I have been controlling my intake of coffee to just a cup a day, especially knowing how easy it would be to slip into temptations for more coffee just to keep awake and conserve more energy through caffein ever since semester began.

Within the span of an hour today, I found myself having my second cup of coffee ... I'm simply feeling sleepy, although not really that tired physically. I guess I had used up quite a big chunk of my brain cells the last few days, working on translation for pal's chapel sermon, looking and coordinating the gift items for the faculty, etc.

No, I'm not complaining at all about what I'm doing, coz I gladly took on these additional load, and as always, looking upon each opportunity as a chance for me to learn and grow, besides to be able to serve God and His people. But it does make me think afresh if I have also over-committed myself in my enthusiasm ... Hmmm ...

I know the contents in this post has no relation to the title ... just take it as my need to rattle and write incohorently as my brain cells take time to replenish and recover =) ... I'll just need some de-stressors, of which besides Facebook (YAY!!), blogging is another =P

Questions I have no answer to ...

2008-08-10T21:18:00.001+08:00

Questions I have no answer to ...

Questions are inevitable in life. Some questions get answered ... some don't. Yet learning to ask questions is an important thing because that's the way we can improve and learn, though the danger of it is to become overly radical and critical of things.

I have lots of questions too, and many that I don't have answers even as yet ...

One question that will once in a while pop into my head (no apparent reason why, just when I kind of recall what I was told many years ago) is "what if I had not been born ...", or "if I had been born a year earlier, would it have made any difference at all?"

Mum told me many years ago that she had a miscarriage before she had me, and she suspected that the miscarriage was a pair of twins. That made me wonder, "would I have been a pair of the twin (if it was really a twin)" ... even if it wasn't a twin, "would it be me that would have been born then ..."

Like what I mentioned earlier, I have no answers ... and I'm not asking those questions with any particular reason, just more out of curiosity, especially when I think about how we are all a part of God's plan when He created us.

And of course, those questions often lead me to wonder ... if I had been born a year before I was actually born, would my destiny still be the same as what mine is now?

Scratch head .... =) the answer is with God and I'll perhaps only know when I get to heaven =)

Fellowship

2008-07-31T19:51:00.002+08:00

Fellowship

Well, I'm not sure if it's because this is my final year (and I had been sharing with a couple of my classmates, that each day I'm just feeling sadder because the days of our departure from the class and college is just drawing nearer and nearer ...) that I seemed to find myself spending more time (or perhaps, being willing to spend more time) with more of my classmates.

3 weeks had gone by (in fact 4, to include the week of college retreat) and thus far I'm really thankful to the Lord for the different opportunities to fellowship with my fellow friends. It's amazing how I'm beginning to allow myself to dine at the same table with friends I haven't done so in the past 2 years, and to my amazement, they are really fun people too =)

Somehow, friends seemed to be more willing to go out for coffee, or ice-cream, when we can find time. It was different from year 2 when everyone seemed to be busy mugging or searching for resources in the library. Have I changed?? Have we changed?? Or ....?? Nevertheless, it's a good change =)

A few of us had also started an accountability group where we want to keep each other in prayer and accountable where our walk with the Lord is concerned. This group was started because I felt convicted when I heard a dear lecturer mentioned (not in her exact words but the gist is this) ... "when you are in theological college, form good friendships and get together even though you are from different denominations. It's important to have friends from different denominations because sometimes in ministry, certains things that need to be shared and ventilated cannot be said to fellow ministers of the same denominations, that's when friends from other denominations can offer that support and help."

My PIC had also challenged me to give this idea a serious thought when he shared about how he benefitted from such accountability group when he was in college. My prayer is that God will continue to keep the passion of people in this group going and allow us courage to be honest with one another as we keep each other in check where our walk and ministry for the Lord is concerned.

Passion for ministry??

2008-07-29T19:41:00.000+08:00

Passion for ministry??

It was so apt to hear the words from one of my lecturers, that if we find that we have lost the passion for our ministry, that's when we really need to leave and not stay on.

I wasn't born a Christian but I guess I can say I've attended church long enough and been a ministry staff before to be able to witness things that happen in the ministry. Sad to say, I do see ministers (and ministry staff) who are losing their cutting edge for the Lord - ministers who lost their initial conviction and passion for what they are called to. It's obvious, or should I say, it's easy enough to sense it - ministers who are unprepared for sermons ... ministers who are unprepared to lead worship ... ministers who find loving people and ministering to them a chore and burden ... and the list goes on. Passion becoming a burden, a chore, or even a duty ...

It's sad, isn't it? especially when God's love should consume everything we do and everything we say; especially when God's love should be the driving force that directs our every move and every opportunity to minister believers or non-believers. In my ministry with the school, I've seen those who began with great passion, only to be suck in by the systems and polity of the institution, flowing with the demands of the world than the call of God.

My prayer for myself and my classmates, and people whom I know are in the ministry for the Lord is that we will all continue to keep our passion burning for Him. And it is also my prayer that we will be honest with ourselves, that if such a day should come when we discover our passion for ministry is gone, we will not hestitate to make a decision to leave the ministry, instead of holding on for worldly security (ie. finances, a job at hand, etc) sake.

A song the inmates taught me

2008-07-26T21:15:00.003+08:00

A song the inmates taught me

Ministry to the inmates have always been a rewarding and blessed time - although I must confess that some weeks I go to the prison rather unprepared, or feeling unsure what and who I will be encountering.

During our small group BS, an inmate shared a song that was written by a pastor who was in the prison ministry. It was a song that just tugged the heart and draws one closer to God ... a song that connects instantly between us and God ... a song that reminds one that nothing keeps us away from God because we are held in the palm of His hands.

Just as I have been much blessed by the song they share with me, I want to share it with you all too. I guess I can only sing the tune to you if you are keen to hear it, somehow I just can't express the tune in writing.

Lord, I'm in Your hands

Lord, I'm in Your plans

In Your heart, in Your thoughts

Never let me go

(Repeat)

And when the darkness closes in

And fears begin to rise

I will always remember

You're always by my side

Lord, I'm in Your hands

Lord, I'm in Your plans

In Your heart, in Your thoughts

Never let me go

(Repeat)

Well, to a certain extent, it might be a very "ME" song, but the words aptly describe the comfort and security that God knows and in control, especially in the situation of many inmates who had once felt so much in despair when they were sentenced and locked behind the iron bars. My heart just overflow with gratitude to the Lord for the pastor who wrote this song, perhaps specially on behalf of the inmates - a song that they need, a song that connects them to the Lord again ...

Uniquely nonsensical interpretation of Matt 8:1-17 - Just for fun =)

2008-07-24T22:24:00.002+08:00

Uniquely nonsensical interpretation of Matt 8:1-17 - Just for fun =)

It is with the permission of the originator of this uique and nonsensical interpretation of Matt 8:1-17 that I'm sharing this with you. To protect the identity of the originator, he shall remain anonymous, which was also what I've promised him as he gave me permission to share this here ...

Our class was asked to look at Matt 8:1-17 and see how the passage relate or spoke to us and this was what was discovered!!

... So there was this leper right (v2)? He came before Jesus, and he knelt before the Lord. The kneeling was the sign of a ritualistic plea. Then he cried out in faith, (try chanting this out) "Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean!" There was the ritual; there was the plea. This man knew to fall prostrate before God, in symbolistic rituals and carefully crafted words of faith. This man is a Lutheran, or an Anglican.

... Then there was the centurion (v5). He knew exactly what to do. No need for words of fancy, he cut straight to the chase. "I tell this one, 'Go,' and he goes... 'Come' and he comes.." He understood the system. He was familiar with the structure. He was methodical. This man is a Methodist.

... Finally there was Peter's mother-in-law (v14). She did nothing. She merely lay there in bed, awaiting for the Lord's healing in His time. She believed in predestination. This woman is a Presbyterian.

Gee ... we never knew the different denominations existed even in the Bible - does it mean all denominations are predestined?? =)

Well, this entry is just to spark off some fun and light-heartedness. Take it with a pinch of salt and don't get too personal =)

A matter of perspective??

2008-07-22T21:09:00.002+08:00

A matter of perspective??

Would you prefer lecturers who give chunks of readings or lecturers who give very miminal readings?

I guess from the standpoint of students, the lesser the better, especially when every subject seems to demand a great deal. But I guess I've learnt to perceive things from a different perspective.

Like the majority, I dance with joy when one of the subject I took had practically no reading - as in the lecturer did not assign readings for us but left it on our own to read whatever we can from his list of recommended resources.

Although I have quite decided that I'll still try and do as much reading on my own as I can for this particular subject, the joy about the fact that this subject seems so much breatheable amidst the many seemed to have swept me over ... until a friend commented that it might not necessary be a good thing to have no or little assigned readings. It was then that I began to see what this person meant and I guess I do agree with what was said.

While we often complain and lament about lecturers who "kill" us with loads and loads of readings and assignments, at the end of the entire course, we do benefit from all these disciplines and "hard labor". On the contrast, if we have nothing to read or very little assignment, then at the end of the course we might find ourselves having learnt very little / minimal.

So which is better? I guess it's more than a matter of perspective ... perhaps even the attitudes of our hearts towards learning.

Learning made fun and enjoyable

2008-07-18T23:06:00.000+08:00

Learning made fun and enjoyable

As the weekend draws near, the first week of class is officially over. Most of us, regardless of which year we are in, would have already been informed of the expectations our lecturers have for the various modules we register for.

As expected, there are the usual "moanings and groanings" that certain lecturers expect more than what the students seem to be able to manage amidst their many other subjects. Some lecturers are more "lenient" or "gracious" and I believe all of them try to make us learn whatever we can during our short time together, regardless of the methods some of them choose to employ through their teaching.

I'm someone who believes that the lecturer plays a very important role when it comes to learning, although much has to be dependent on the student to do his or her own fair share of reading/thinking/analyzing, etc. Putting all the requirements of the coursework aside, a good lecturer is one who imparts not only knowledge of the subject, but his or her life/convictions that challenges the students to take the intellectual knowledge they acquire beyond just the mind.

I have always been grateful to the Lord for providing me with very good lecturers all these while:-

- lecturers who reminded me to always remain humble even after we graduate from theological school because what we learn is only the tip of the iceberg, and having completed theological education doesn't make us a head above the rest of our congregation ...

- lecturers who reminded me to enjoy the learning process and be willing to be challenged in my perception of things as I read what other writers have to say ...

- lecturers who reminded me to be relevant to the people we meet, especially those who are on the considered "social outcasts" and those on the fringe - they don't need any more condemnation but the love of God shown to them through us ...

- lecturers who reminded me to be patient with my classmates even when they prove to be trying at times - God allowed us to cross paths for good reasons ...

- lecturers who are passionate about the task they have been called to and gave their very best to the Lord as He used them to impart knowledge and life to us ...

- and lecturers who made learning interesting and fun as they explore different options to make lessons interesting ...

While our lecturers have a role to play in our learning journey, it takes 2 hands to clap - we ourselves have a part to play to make our learning journey an exciting and enjoyable one as well. I guess at the end of the day, it's not fair to make comparisons between lecturers and each person's style of teaching. All we can do is just to make the best out of the opportunities that God has blessed us with - that I believe would help to fine-tune our perception towards challenges and make learning fun and enjoyable ... =)

Thoughts of a final year student ...

2008-07-16T22:44:00.002+08:00

Thoughts of a final year student ...

Much as I want to stop time and not allow the reality of being a final year student to confront me, I can't.

Today is the 3rd day of semester and each day I just felt different. No, I'm not feeling the stress from the modules I'm taking as yet, for up till this point, they are all still manageable. I felt different in the sense that there's mixed feelings.

On one hand, it's a somewhat "sad" feeling that the clock seems to be ticking fast to signal the time to leave the college and good friendships forged here. On the other hand, there's the feeling that "I've finally made it through 2 years - it's the FINAL year and just 1 more year!!" - the kind where you just long to have everything over and done with. Irony, isn't it?? Somewhat nostalgic ...

I know time zoom past without knowledge - I guess I can only hope to "hold" as much as it as I possibly can ... sigh* the reality of life ...

The relevance of religion

2008-07-15T22:32:00.000+08:00

The relevance of religion

The title in today's ST caught my attention, "Buddhism may be dying out in Japan". Basically, the comments were such that Buddhism, often called "funeral Buddhism", seems to cater more to the needs of the dead, than meeting the spiritual needs of those living.

Having read the contents, it made me ponder about the relevance of Christianity today. No, I'm not comparing an apple to another apple, I'm thinking more about how relevant Christianity is to the living.

Humanity is created with a longing for God, whoever that God is, in differering beliefs. Somehow that connection with God, that touch from God, the realization that God is real and takes an interest in me tugs the heart of humanity in their quest for God.

I'm wondering whether Christianity, over the years, has effectively connected people with God. I know on one hand we have, but yet on the other, we seemed to have connected people with God, not through the Holy Spirit himself, but through material means that over time, and if not cautious, can become a subtle stumbling block that becomes an idol that replaces God. Just let your ears be more open to the sermons we hear in churches these days - how many sermons can truly be considered sermons, spoken to bring about conviction and changed lives?

The fate of Buddhism in Japan rings a loud alarm for us as Christians - are we relevant as God's ambassadors in this age and time? We all have a mission!

AL(L)ONE

2008-07-11T23:01:00.000+08:00

AL(L)ONE

That was the theme for this year's College Retreat - a good reminder that the theological learning and experience which God has enabled each one of us to have is not an individualistic one.

It seemed only like yesterday that my class first came together and met each other, and our class presented the same item during this evening's Finale Night - the one we did when we were in our first year - memories of our 2 years together somehow just came flashing past .... how we were as green and blur as the current freshies, how we were extremely worried and anxious about getting our textbooks on time so as to catch up with readings, how we enthusiastically begin working on our assignments early but yet at the same time wonder if we have figure out correctly what we are expected to write, how we seemed to have "all the time" in the world to go for coffee breaks, games and outings.

The "powerful" effects of a simple dance somehow brought the whole class together. Perhaps it's also due to similiar ministry background that many of us were from, the class got together quickly and cohesively. Label me bias or whatever, I do feel that my cohort is a very cohesive and united bunch - always on the lookout for one another, helping one another during times of assignments and exams, being unselfish in sharing our resources and notes, and chipping in to share the load when another person is given a task that requires more than one pair of hands. We seemed to be always ready and available for one another.

That was also the reason why I decided to take 2 years off from work and finish off the course with the rest of the class - we all want to graduate together and be good ministry supporters as we are sent out by God to the various fields. In the words of Dr Kenda Dean, holy companion that walk alongside with one another.

Somehow, the time has finally come - to a point where it's going to be the final year for all of us, and as each day passes by, it means the time we have together gradually decreases. For me, I definitely wish this final year can be a fruitful and memorable one, and I believe some of my classmates perhaps feel the same way too. Well, while I hope that we will still give our best shots to all the subjects we are taking, I hope that we will also take time off to meet and fellowship with one another - something which I felt was lacking drastically as we entered into our second year.

Proverbs 27:17 "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

Jealousy ... over-protection ... or simply kiasuism??

2008-07-07T19:00:00.000+08:00

Jealousy ... over-protection ... or simply kiasuism??

If you've read the article in 6 July's Sunday Times, you would have perhaps come acorss the write-up about how parents were upset with the "bionic boy".

I'm not sure about your response to what was written, but when I read it, I was filled with feelings of anger towards these immature parents. Yes, I used the word "immature" because they are so much older than the boy himself, yet their reaction towards him are like his contemporaries, or perhaps worse, sore losers who cannot stand to lose.

I really wonder what makes these parents hurl insults and abuses at this "bionic boy" - was it out of jealousy that this particular boy out-performed their beloved children? Was it because they wanted to protect their children from the sting of pain when losing confronts them - how much then can they protect their children from rising up above circumstances when they hit hard if this is the case? Was it because of kiasuism, where they cannot afraid to lose, and given any chance of finding fault, they would. Heard what's written in the report, that parents complain that the boy lied about his age and other stuff - even after the Ministry of Education proved that they had checked on the "complaints" and found nothing that is uncalled for.

Yet because of the immaturity and childness of these parents, the boy who showed much potential and talent had to live in trauma -so badly traumatized that he cannot openly celebrate his victory when he wins ... so badly traumatized that he chose to hide in corners not prominent to the public eyes.

Are these the kind of parents we have in our world today?? Little wonder the product of our society today!

Was it anybody's fault to be born taller, stronger, shorter, weaker, etc?? Can't we be a more gracious society and learn to embrace challenges head-on, and exhibit good sportsmanship on occasions when we don't get the trophy??

My only wish is that these parents who are "guilty" of what they had done to traumatize this child to realize what they had done and change before they transmit their attitudes to their children whose eyes are constantly watching them.

"Preparedness" ???

2008-07-05T19:10:00.004+08:00

"Preparedness" ???

Semester is going to begin again after a month plus of vacation. To me, it marks another phase in my life as I will, in 2 days' time, officially become a final year student. How time flies when I look back at how I began as occasional student, then moving on to become a part-time student while holding on to a full-time job, and deciding finally to take on the challenges as a full-time student, trusting God to provide for my financial needs.

I've been sharing with some friends how I hope my final year will be a memorable and fruitful one, as compared to my previous years of college life. I guess the regrets I had were the ill-discipline I've allowed myself to entertain ... the procrastination I've allowed myself to wallow in ... the relationships and friendships that are right before my eyes with classmates of different denomination and nationality that I've failed to appreciate ... and so on.

Well, I guess academically I've done well thus far, and sometimes perhaps "too well" to the extent that I "sacrificed" time for friends to mug and read. Very often, I did the same to my family too - moving into my own private space in the study room and reading, typing, thinking, etc. Definitely not something I want to carry on in this final year as I strive still to do my best academically.

I guess on one hand, I'm really excited about semester starting again, and my mind being challenged by the lecturers and friends during lessons and informal exchanges; yet on the other hand, I wonder how prepared I can actually be to be prepared enough to let this final year be a real great and marvelous one.

I suppose no matter how prepared I am, if I don't consciously allow God to lead me in this journey of learning and molding, I will always find myself being disappointed by my own actions and wilful ways.

Proverbs 16:1-3 reminds us "To man belong the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the reply of the tongue. All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the Lord. Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed."

I'm excited yet apprehensive ... I look forward yet I felt like pulling back ... I'm therefore putting myself into the hands of the One who holds the universe and the One who holds my life, for He is the One who will give me the best and the One who will never shortchange me.

Let my life be a living sacrifice Lord and a fragrance to You. Amen.

Simplicity

2008-07-04T11:38:00.003+08:00

Simplicity

I wonder since when did life get complicated? Or rather, since when we human begin to complicate life? These were questions I thought about when I saw my childhood toys (2 little squeaky teddy bears which had been my favourite toys) which my mum "dug out" from some of the old boxes a few days ago. Seeing these 2 squeaky bears brought along so many memories - fond memories of childhood.

I am no. 6 and youngest amongest my siblings and a lot of things I had when I was younger were hand-me-downs (clothes and toys included), and yet amazingly, I guess none of us "know" how to complain, or even to compare what we have or not have, and bring our grouses to our parents. I guess life then was so much simplier - dad being the sole breadwinner and mum a faithful home-maker attending to our daily needs. All 8 of us lived in a 4-room HDB flat and somehow we manage to share our bedrooms with each other without much squabble.

Seeing the squeaky bears reminded me how loved I was by my older siblings, who would take me down to the playground to have some time of fun. The swings then were supported by rusty iron chain and that was what I love to grab when my siblings would push to swing and made it so high up - O, how I feel it!! The see-saw were also made of wooden planks and iron handles and we will always have some fun on the see-saw (of course my siblings had it "at my expense" coz I was always the lightest and my end of the see-saw will be up in the air, struggling to make its way down). We had countless memories of playing the slide where we would get on again and again and enjoy the sliding down. There were also marble horses (oh, those were really HOT under the afternoon sun) but yet we always enjoy just sitting on these stationery horses as the hours slipped by ...

Looking back at these fond memories, I just felt that growing up is no fun - though there's no way we can stop growing. I wonder when life becomes so complicated ...

- when we begin to outdo one another at work or studies, and get ourselves stressed
- when we begin to envy what others have and begin to work harder and earn more money so that we can satisfy the green monsters
- when we begin to compete and vie for attention from people who matters to us, and backstab or badmouth one another

Gone were the days of contentment - where a few simple dishes on the table satify the stomach of many ... gone were the days where a simple, few years of education can get us by with comfort and ease ... gone were the days where children can truly enjoy their childhood and be truly innocent and childlike ... the world is perpetually turning topsy-turvy, and good moral values are substitued with ME, I and MYSELF ... sigh*

Have we lost that simplicity? Have we lost our childlike innocence? Have we lost our sense of contentment? Have we lost our morals?? .....

Unconditional love ... unconditional acceptance ...

2008-06-22T23:11:00.000+08:00

Unconditional love ... unconditional acceptance ...

Well, you might not agree with me, but to me, besides God Himself who showers unconditional love and acceptance to mankind, the next in line I think, would be domestic pets that some of us are fortunate enough to keep.

The beloved dog of a good friend died - not because of illness, but because of an infection that sets in suddenly, causing havoc in his brain such that it caused seizures to him and disorder. Of course, this good friend was very sad watching her beloved dog suffering in such state. But I guess the heartache besides seeing the dog wrestling with agony and pain is the decision to decide to put it to sleep to shorten its suffering. What a decision! If you think it's a decision that is made at the snap of a finger, then you're really wrong! Buckets of tears accompanied that one "simple" decision.

Someone once said, for us, a domestic pet (cats or dogs) are just pets, but in their eyes, we mean everything to them. I guess for some who keep pets out of excitement and novelty, perhaps they will not be able to understand the strong emotional attachment and bond developed between us and them. But for those who seriously devote their time and life to caring for the animals, that emotional bond and attachment are beyond words. In fact, most of the time, we consider our little kiddies a part of our human family - one that shares our joy and delights, one that brings us much cheer in moments of struggle and pain.

I for one, get upset with people who made comments like, "why be so upset? it's just a dog (or a cat) - just get another one lor!" I think these are people who don't understand what keeping pets mean. While it might be true that they can be easily replaced with another new pet, yet the bonds developed over the years with these little kiddies are just beyond description.

Call me silly or what, but I always grief whenever I lose my pets - anyone of them. My first pet was a little white mice (somehow I like animals that are furry and white, and the best are those with button eyes - oh, they really charm me!!) and I was only Primary 3 or so when I kept it. How I cried when it died. Later on when I was older, mum and dad finally allowed us to keep a dog (which my brother-in-law needed to give away because of the HDB ruling that only allows 1 dog per household) and we were given a pomeranian (my favourite breed of dog because of its foxy face that just melts my heart). He was already named Rocky when we took over him and he stayed with us for less than 3 months before he died of kidney failure - poor Rocky had hard life when he was young, being mistreated by his first owner before he was given to my brother-in-law. As a result, his physical constitution was never strong to begin with. Guess, what puffy eyes I had when Rocky died, even though we were together for only 3 months!

I could not get my mind off the love Rocky gave and the attention I gave to him, we got ourselves another pup (another pomeranian!! =) and we named him Rocky as well. He was my favourite - real favourite. We had him for 9 years until he had to leave us because of heart failure. It was most agonizing seeing him struggle and gasping for breath till the very last. Puffy eyes again, definitely!!

Perhaps many might say, "why give yourself all these trouble of agonizing over the loss of animals over and over again" but I'm not sure how many would really understand the kind of love animals can give to their owners. Yes, I do agree, the emotional pain is difficult to bear when they have to leave us one day, but still ...

This good friend of mine (and I believe many other pet owners) understood perfectly how much these little kiddies meant to us - and the joy they gave to us, the unconditional love and acceptance they render to us.

"It's just a dog!" ... or "It's just a cat!" - NOPE, they are more that that!

"Disturbing" sermons

2008-06-15T22:38:00.001+08:00

"Disturbing" sermons

Have you heard sermons that disturbed you greatly?? No, I don't mean those that made you feel uncomfortable because the words spoken are so powerful that you cannot resist but pledge to obey what God had spoken through the preachers.

The "disturbing" sermons I'm referring to are sermons that lack contents, where the focus shift from God's Word to testimonies and sharings, illustrations and examples, and that's about it. Oh yes, the verses are read, but perhaps at the beginning of the sermon, or when the preacher wants to link his or her sharing with the verses for the day.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not against using testimonies and sharings, illustrations and examples during sermon, but I'm against these being the focus instead of God's very Word itself. If we say, and believe that God's Word in itself is powerful, why are sermons not preached and based first on these Words?? I can easily count the number of sermons I've heard where testimonies and sharing, illustrations and examples form the majority portion of the sermon time, and the exposition of God's Word itself takes a minor segment.

The other "disturbing" factor for me, is the tendency for preachers to preach long sermons, perhaps thinking that the longer the sermon, the more "effective" it is in equivalent measure. But what's the point of having a lengthy sermon, only to focus on the preachers' illustrations and examples, when the very essence of the Word takes a back seat?? On the contrary, I've heard sermons that are short, but really sharp and to the point - sermon that truly speaks the Word of God and challenge the hearts of men - and there are really GREAT sermons!

I don't claim to be an expert in the exposition of the Word, nor do I consider myself a good preacher, though I've done a couple of messages during chapel when I was a ministry staff in school. I can also understand how sometimes certain passages are just difficult to preach on, and examples and illustrations are definitely needed to help draw out the intended points. But I guess what baffles me when I hear preachers preach "disturbing" sermons is this: so who's the focus, you or God? your examples or the very Word itself?

My heart also grief and ache when I sensed that preachers are sometimes preaching to tickle the ears of those in the congregation - preaching contents that people love to hear ... preaching things that brings comfort instead of a stirring of change ... preaching long list of God's blessings and grace but forgetting to mention what carrying the cross of Christ means ...

The Word of God is supposed to be a hammer, a sword - it still is, but have we as people who are handling God's Word, done a disservice to God by turning His very Words into plastic hammers and plastic swords?? Sigh ....

The God of love

2008-06-14T23:46:00.001+08:00

The God of love

A classmate got married today, and like most Christian weddings, the couple took the opportunity to share, through the wedding service, with all present the God who united them in love, the God whom they knew, and the God whom they hope their loved ones will come to know.

The love of God extended to humanity truly baffles us and blows our mind away. To borrow the words of the composer of the song "The love of God", which incidentally is one of my favourite song, the final stanza of the song writes ...

Could we with ink the ocean fill
And were the skies of parchment made
Were every stalk on earth a quill
And every man a scribe by trade
To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry
Nor could the scroll contain the whole
Though stretched from sky to sky
O love of God, how rich and pure
How measureless and strong
It shall forevermore endure, the saints and angels' song.

It's impossible to write about the love of God, or to find any adequate expressions to describe this love. I guess if we compare the way man loves with the way God loves, the contrast would be a lot clearer ...

Something from the one of the day's guide from my spiritual retreat:-
"I put myself before God and look at the contrast ...
God, the source of life and I, a cause of death;
God, the source of love, and I, with all my petty jealousies and hatreds;
God, from whom all good gifts come, and I, with my selfish attempts to win favor
buy attention, be well thought of, and so on ..."

During this holiday, I've definitely experienced this love of God much more than before - not just knowing about Him, but knowing Him. And I hope that those who have not known this God will one day, come to know Him too - not just KNOW ABOUT Him, but KNOW HIM!

About writing

2008-06-02T14:53:00.002+08:00

About writing

I haven't been writing a lot (referring to this blog) lately. I guess partly because nothing spectacular that happened that provoked me to write about, and I guess also partly because I felt somewhat "inadequate" these days about my style of writing, the contents in my writing, etc, etc.

I've been reading quite a fair bit these days ... and the more I read, the more I felt so "inadequate" about my own writing - at least the way I write and expresses what I wanted to. No, don't get me wrong, it wasn't a negative feeling, but a positive one that makes me think and wonder how I can improve and how I should seek to improve.

I'm greatly humbled ... and there's much more to learn.

Blessings from above

2008-05-27T14:39:00.000+08:00

Blessings from above

Is it man's nature to be so easily overwhelmed with gratitude when we think of blessings and to lament, pout and sulk when troubles come upon us? I guess so, well, at least I find it evident in my own life. It's something I'm learning as I grow daily in the Lord - to be thankful for both and ask what I can learn from everything.

I can't deny the fact that the Lord has really been good since the holidays begun for me - at least the way He has planned for my internship and the nature of my internship (I won't elaborate too much about it here). I felt the goodness of the Lord also when I met up with my PIC to discuss about what will happen in a year's time from now when I graduate (by God's grace, I pray =)

PIC reminded me to be watchful about my spiritual life especially when in theological college. And I have to agree with many of the statements I heard from seniors and alumni, that indeed, don't think one is the most spiritual when in theological college. The reverse is often true because we are so caught up with assignments and readings that they became the priority instead of daily devotional time. Looking back at my 2nd year in college, it also happened to be the driest period of my life. Much as this wasn't what I wanted, I ended up in such a plight that as I look back now, there's only regrets and heartache. In fact, the nature of my internship coincided with what I actually need now - refreshing and renewal in my relationship with God, which was what I am so thankful for, and a blessing I received with much joy and gratitude. PIC also affirmed his consent for me to take on this internship and reminded me to take good rest during this holiday.

PIC also challenged me to form a small accountability group with my classmates (a few like-minded persons) when semester begin - to take time to pray for one another and to be accountable where our spiritual lives are concerned. It sounded a great idea to me and I'm thinking and praying about it - well, at least about who should be included in this group. By human nature, it would naturally be those friends that I'm on better terms with. But by the leading of the Spirit, I pray that it would be people who are convicted of this idea and who wants to commit themselves to spurring one another on in this Christian journey.

As for my internship, I have been richly blessed by my supervisor cum my spiritual director. The nature of my internship allowed me time to rest and to bask in the love of God. And as I begin on this journey to become more aware of who God is and how He's working in my life, I can only say with thankfulness that this internship came really timely. I'm reminded it's about consciousness of God, not conscience ... it's about being aware of who God is and how He's actively working in my life ... it's about the heart and not the mind.

Maybe words cannot adequately expressed my heart that overflows with thanks about what is happening, but I can only credit all the wonderful things that have been happening to the hand of God.

2008-05-25T23:01:00.000+08:00

I don't even know what title to give to this entry ... I guess for once I'll do without a title???

It's definitely good news to all who had been praying for the survivors of cyclone Nargis in Myanmar when reports of the junta now being willing (FINALLY) to open its doors to accept foreign aids are being telecasted.

As I hear the reports, I was filled with much joy and thanksgiving - though the news come many weeks later than it should, but at least it's better late than never. At the same time, I was also asking myself the reasons why the juntas were not willing to accept help from foreign counterparts.

Well, whether the reasons I could come up with are valid or not, I thought it had some parallelism to the way people perceive the Good News and receive salvation ...

1) I guessed there's much suspicion within the hearts of the junta?? Maybe they are seriously guarding their territory with so much resistance that they perceive every effort and offer of help as suspicion, ie. "what are you up to??" .. "are you here to see how vulnerable we are and invade us??" ... etc etc

2) I supposed there's much pride too?? Pride that they can manage the entire situation themselves ... pride that they can contain everything with resources they have ... etc etc

3) Maybe they had been "hurt" or "betrayed" before by people who claimed goodwill?? I don't know. I'm not a history person, nor am I an ardent fan of politics or current affairs, ie. in the sense that I won't deliberately search for answers to long stories of what happened in the past, or the politics that took place to bring the country to this current situation and so on.

Looking at my shallow guesses about the juntas, I could see some similarities to the way people perceive and receive the Gospel. Very often, Christians with goodwill will persist in their efforts to share the Good News, regardless of whether the audience is ready to hear it or not. Sometimes we become so caught up with our task and mission of preaching that we fail to exercise sensitivity to the person we're sharing the Gospel with.

As we look at the way Jesus preached about the Kingdom of God, we will never see a time where He forced the Gospel down the throat of those He spoke with. In fact, He always exercised sensitivity towards those He ministered to, meeting their needs first, and using that as entry points to share about who God is and His love for them. The other observation I made is that Jesus never, at any point in time, forced a decision out of those He met. He merely say His piece, and leave the choice to those He spoke with, and as we can see, many of those Jesus spoke with met with this God of love because of unconditional acceptance from Him. I wonder if in our efforts of evangelism, we became so absorbed with results that when we faced rejection from the person we preach to, we took it personally and become discouraged? Or worse still, we decided that that person is no longer worth our time and efforts that we quickly switch our attention to another "target". Have we forgotten that it's about the work of the Holy Spirit, and about God's timing? Are we playing God as we share the Gospel, measuring the results of our effectiveness in such tangible ways??

Pal was sharing with me a book she was reading about the help given to aids victim. She said it was a great book that criticized the church so honestly in their efforts to reach out to these victims. Instead of walking through the difficult journey with the victims, the church always preach, "repent and confess your sins (coz HIV victims are usually infected with the virus due to sexual promiscuity, in a way)" ... and instead of ministering to these victims in their point of needs, the church chose to stay away for fear of being infected with the same virus. Hey, look at the way our Lord reaches out to the lepers - He wasn't afraid to be near them at all!! Well, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying we shouldn't exercise caution to protect ourselves where health is concern, but I think our whole mindset is simply incorrect to being with, when we share the Gospel or when we minister to people with needs. Are we more interested to have the person receive the Gospel FIRST, or are we more interested to be Jesus to the person first, then allowing the person to see Jesus in and through us?

A sister was sharing a short testimony during service yesterday and she ended with these words, "why is the world still so dark??" ... "because all the lights are contained in the church - you shine at me, and I shine at you ..." Need I say more?

What struggle??

2008-05-18T23:21:00.003+08:00

What struggle??

I've finally turned in all my papers for this semester, and am officially through in year 2 of theological college life! I guess what I can say for now is that, "I need a good break ... a good breather ... retail therapy ... " and the list can go on and on.

Yet amidst all these "struggles" to cope with time, demands of studies, balancing differents aspects of life, etc - the struggle that I'm going through pales in great great great comparison with what people in China Si Chuan and Myanmar are going through.

Hearing the news in each passing day just adds to the heaviness within the heart - lives being lost due to natural catastrophe, families shocked and traumatized by sudden turn of events that they had never imagine would happen, those who managed to survive living with nightmares and agony of their encounters - some of them even had to live on without some of the limbs because amputation was necessary in order to preserve their life. All these struggles are pain and cries we can never fully understand. While my heart aches on one hand, there is much gratitude to the Lord for a good government and a safe country we all can reside in. All we can do and pray, besides donating money, is to keep the survivals and their families, the victims and their families, the rescue workers, and the government of the different countries in prayer. All we can offer is to commit them into the hands and under the mercy of the loving God, despite all the searching questions pounding deep within our hearts.

College graduation

2008-05-10T21:05:00.002+08:00

College graduation

With the college graduation happening, it marks the close of another academic year, and the blessing and sending forth of another batch of graduands. Even though it's not my graduation, but it sparked off some thoughts and sentiments in me.

Today, many of my seniors officially received their endorsement for completing the college requirements, and sent off into their various ministries with blessings from all who were present. One of the trio of Charlie Angels (as pal called us three) graduated today and we were definitely happy for her. We started off in school ministry and clicked well as good friends because of our personality and outlook in ministry. We always jokingly tell A that she registered with the college a year ahead of us so that she can prepare our learning journey by supplying us with advice, notes, textbooks, etc =) That was 3 years ago, and now A has graduated. Well done!!

With the graduation of my seniors, it would make me and my batch of classmates the most senior in the college when the new academic year begins in July 08. It suddenly dawn on me how time flies, and made me ponder how these 2 years had been. I guess I can say I enjoy my first year very much, even though I was on part-time studies then - the bonding and cohesiveness with classmates are simply fantastic and we simply love each others' company - going for tea, drinks, meals, etc whenever we can. As we move into year 2, I wouldn't say I enjoy this year very much, even though I've finally converted to be a full-time student and spent more time in college compared to last year.

Well, it could be because of the tracking system and the class are not always together because of different subject combination ... it could also be we are still as worried as before for our grades and in dire need for whatever time we can find for our readings and assignments ... it could be because we are in our second year and we are kind of more active in different areas of service where the college is concern ... it could be our FE and our churches are also taking more time from us ... whatever the reason, I don't enjoy my second year - maybe because of some personal struggles I'm coping with on my own as well.

As it began to dawn on me more that I have one more year left in the college, I began to ask myself how I want to make the fullest use of the next year to make it a memorable one, instead of a regrettable one. I guess I do have some plans and some resolutions too. For sure, I would want to tighten and strengthen my ties with my classmates. Like what my NT & Greek lecturer always remind us, "Establish good relations and make good friendships while we are in college because we need good support when we are out in ministry after our graduation - friends and comrades outside of our own denomination." Yup, I have lots of planning and thinking to do this coming holiday how to make my last college year the best one, and the greatest one.

I'm also inspired by Rev Ponniah's message at the service today. I didn't jot down in pen and ink his 3 points, but what I can remember briefly ... (1) don't look for prestige and positions but render quiet service, (2) don't seek to be empowered, but seek to empower others and build lives, even of those who seemed to be so insignificant in the eyes of men, (3) look beyond the sacrifices made to the joy ahead that the Lord will bless and give. He might have meant for the message to be for the graduands, but it applies relevantly to everyone present, especially those already in ministry, and those being equipped for ministry.

Having known Rev Ponniah personally (he's the father of my ex GB devotion comm. head and he has always encouraged me by telling me how his daughter had been blessed through my ministry in school and invovlement with GB), I know that he spoke sincerely from his heart. He wasn't preaching simply for the sake of preaching a message. To me, his life and example testifed to what he has preached and shared. He and his family are really humble servants of God, living in simplicity and giving themselves fully to the Lord in all that they do. I have always been amazed at the support his wife faithfully and quietly gave to him, and the way they brought up their children so well.

I'm much inspired today ... with the mixture of thoughts and sentiments felt. A senior counted down for us - 365 days more for us who will be graduating (by God's grace) the next year. I certainly hope that the next year will be the best year in my life at the college, and the best I can offer to God while given the opportunity to learn and grow. Hear this my prayer, O Lord.

Contradictory measures

2008-05-09T20:41:00.000+08:00

Contradictory measures

The recent havoc caused by cyclone Nargis resulting in much loss and death to the people of Myanmar had moved lots of people to compassion and action.

Yet, for me personally, I can't seem to reconcile the actions of the junta when on one hand, they request for help, and on the other, seemed to be in no hurry to ensure relief efforts reach in the fastest possible time to those affected. Don't you find it contradicting?? - relief workers denied entry ... relief aid to go through the hands of the government themselves ... their embassy having no qualms about closing for local holiday and reopening one to two days after the weekend? Isn't time crucial in such cases when disaster struck? What is the government up to, I wonder ... and I wonder to where the financial contributions will really end up in and who it will end up with. I guess these will be questions unanswered but I pray that God's justice will prevail.

On the other hand, it does make me appreciate the government we have in this little red dot. Complains after complains we might have, but at the end of the day, we can't deny that we do have proper systems and organizations (I won't say foolproof, but at least something fairly in place when uncertainty strikes).

Looking at the way the situation is being handled in Myanmar, I wonder how many more lives will be lost before relief reaches the people in need of them ... I wonder if outbreaks of feared epidemics will happen because time doesn't seemed to be the crux ... at least for those who need to be worried about it ...

I guess all we can do is to pray for the sovereign Lord to watch over the situation in Myanmar, and to move its government to greater compassion. I guess we can also pray that the good Lord will continue to sustain and keep the health of the survivors in good condition.

Lord, have mercy ...

Where is their conscience?

2008-05-02T15:28:00.002+08:00

Where is their conscience?

Is it the fault of the society or the sinfulness of man?? Is it greed or is it survival??

Whenever I read about syndicates cheating and oppressing people who are out to seek an honest living in a better country, I felt really angry. Why should people exploit the innocent desire of another person who sincerely wants to earn better money in another country so as to provide his or her family a better life? Where is the conscience of these people?? Don't they feel guilty about taking such money and cheating people in such ways?? In fact, some landed up in real sorry plight because of the actions of these selfish, greedy, and conscience lacking people. What is this world becoming?? Sigh*

Well, I guess I'm in a "moody" state and frame of mind at the moment, and that's why some of these entries seemed to be somewhat "moody" in tone. In fact, my prayer is that with the Global Day of Prayer (DOP), many more Christians can take the challenge to pray for the nations and the world - and for themselves too. I guess we have too many nominal Christians, we need a revival and restoration of courage and faith in the lives of those who call themselves Christians - to dare to be different in a world and society that seeks prosperity and progress, sometimes at all costs.

2 Chronicles 7:14-15 "If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place."

Frustrating

2008-04-28T15:25:00.000+08:00

Frustrating

It's frustrating to discover that the things I studied for quizzes or exams are simply given back after everything is over ...

It's frustrating to be unable to recall the many things input into the brain ...

It's frustrating to know that the more I study, the more I don't know ... or the more I can't remember ...

It's frustrating to not being able to enjoy the learning journey because of all these frustrations!!

It's simply frustrating!

My cute mummy ...

2008-04-22T15:06:00.000+08:00

My cute mummy ...

I'm simply amused. Simply amused at how cute my mummy can be, haha.

Mum has always been doted by all of us, her children, as much as she doted on us when we were much younger. Whenever we can, we will bring her out, or buy her stuff, but I guess with an additional member in the household now, she felt some competition for attention =)

Puji came close to end January, and knowing that her birthday was in March, sis and I decided to spring a little surprise for her - getting her a cake and buying her presents. And guess what?? Gee ... mummy's jealous ... haha. She kept saying we never celebrate her birthday for her and here we are, doing surprises for other people, haha.

Well, the truth of the matter is - we DID celebrate mum's birthday for her, and every year without fail. You see, my mum's a traditional and fairly superstituous person. She has never celebrated birthdays all her years and for her, if she suddenly had a birthday celebration, she might not be able to receive such blessings and had misfortune falling on her instead. Therefore, my siblings and I decided that everytime during her birthday (she celebrates lunar birthday), we will bring her out for a meal, using the excuse that we haven't eaten out for a long while, or so-and-so restuarant has some special dinner packages, etc.

In fact, mum's birthday falls on a Sunday this year and we wanted to bring her out for a meal but she said she have not quite recover from her earlier surgery and she didn't want to. She suggested cooking nasi lemak instead. And since she was so game, and knowing how she wanted and was hoping for all my siblings to be back, especially my brother, we had everyone come back - SPECIALLY for her nasi lemak lunch =) She was happy, definitely, needless to say, haha. She perhaps have guessed as much the "coincidence" of this arrangement. In fact, the next day, she told me, "Actually yesterday was my birthday," so you see, that cuteness and that childishness in mummy is showing, heehee.

Of course, I teased her and said what a coincident that everyone was back the previous day, and how it must have been a great day for her then. She reacted with all smiles =)

Oh mummy, mummy, my cute and adorable mummy ... she can be so cute and adorable, and so child-like. I love you, mum =)

Miracles

2008-04-19T23:00:00.000+08:00

Miracles

The group of girls which Pastor and I took for weekly BS shared with us miracles within the walls of an icy cold place ...

3 of them were in the same group with us, and a day or two before our meeting day, all the inmates were suddenly asked to pack up their things and move to different cells. And guess what?? All 3 of them are now in the same cell!! In fact, there's a fourth girl, the one who just received the Lord about a week ago, and she is also with them. Isn't this a miracle??

1 of the girl in the group had to work on alternate Saturday and she would not be able to join at all. And guess what?? She was allowed time off to join us and after that to get back to her work station. Miracle!!

All these seemed to be small things for us, but in a place of oppression ... in a place where you have no control at all over things, we become thankful and appreciative of little things and recognize God's hands over all matters.

Have we been so complacent and comfortable in our lives that we fail to see God's hand moving and the way He works? I've got lots to learn from these sisters whose lives challenged and inspired me greatly.

I'm so blessed!!

2008-03-29T22:33:00.000+08:00

I'm so blessed!!

I'm thankful for every Saturday when I get to go into the Prison and be with them during their chapel sessions. I always return with much more than I have been prepared to give. I'm blessed much more by them than what I have bless them with.

Just today through the conversation with some of them, I've been reminded about how blessed I am and how thankful I should be ...

- I was asking one inmate how her week has been and she said, "as usual, nothing eventful ... but yet, nothing eventful is actually a good thing. Here in this place, you wouldn't want anything eventful to happen."

When we had a short time of breaking into small groups for sharing, I was with 3 of the girls and what they shared again opened my eyes and my perspective towards things ...

- One of them was sharing about her work of attending to incoming calls at the Call Centre and how she needed to be extremely patient to deal with difficult callers. She commented that no matter how difficult the other party may be, or how some days when feelings are just not right from the start, she just needed to ensure that the job is well done. It is not her call to react according to her moods.

- In the prison itself, the inmates had no choice with regard to things. When they are asked to do something, they had to obey - simply discipline and obedience, otherwise they will be deemed as misbehaving and be deprived of privileges such as chapel, or face the possibility of being segregated from the rest. In fact, chapel is such a privilege that only those who have cleared Phase T1 (served 10% of the total period of sentence, in segregation from the others) gets the chance to attend.

- Their time is not controlled by them, and they don't even have the "right" to control light switches!! Light switches are outside the cell, and when the officers turn on the light in the morning, they wake up ... when the lights are turn off at night, they retire for the day. One of them said, "I haven't even touch light switches for a long time ..."

Many of them look forward to being given tagging - where they could be released and be with their family, though they are monitored by their tags. Nothing beats being with family and in close proximity with them.

I'm thankful that Pastor P allowed me to continue in this Field Education attachment for another semester, and also thankful to Pastor B (my FE supervisor) for creating a greater opportunity for me to get to know the inmates. Beginning next Saturday, both Pastor B and myself will take a group of 3 girls in Bible Study. At least that kind of arrangment offers longer time of sharing and opportunity to get to know the girls. I'm excited and truly look forward to be used by the Lord to minister to them. But I know that I always leave the place feeling more ministered by them than they by me.

Greek, Greek, Greek

2008-03-27T22:28:00.001+08:00

Greek, Greek, Greek

The "agony" and stress is FINALLY over - after today's Greek exam. I'm in my 2nd semester for this subject, with one more month to go, and a project that we need to work on for this module.

I enjoyed the learning and I'm glad to be given a chance to learn another language. But I guess the stress comes from having to remember all the different vocabulary, all the different endings which form the words, the different declensions, the different prepositions and their uses, etc, etc. As the week goes past, more and more are compounded into the memory and more and more are tested as a result. This was what caused the stress and "agony".

When I was preparing for the exam, the amount of things I needed to learn and remember just makes me question myself about why I'm putting myself through such stress and agony. Yet my driving force had always been my fighting spirit, and the fact that if my seniors could do it, why not me? Besides, I had always wanted to learn Biblical languages, whenever I can.

I guess a lot of times in life, the journey itself is difficult and tough, but yet it is in the journey itself that much can be learnt, character can be molded, and friends are made, and that's what make life interesting and exciting =)

Fear of alienation and rejection

2008-03-25T20:02:00.000+08:00

Fear of alienation and rejection

Those of us who are fortunate to be with our family at all times would never be able to understand the fear that goes through the hearts of the inmates. I wouldn't say I know a lot about them - what crimes they commit, how long their sentence is, their family background, etc, etc. I supposed some of them really "deserved" their sentence, but I supposed to that for some of them, they committed that particular crime for the sake of helping their loved ones get out of a situation. I don't know, I guess these are all possibilities.

What I can say, and what I do know is that everyone of them lived with very real fear ...
- fear that their family will not accept them when they are released
- fear that their young children will refuse to acknowledge them and bonding with them will be difficult
- fear that something will happen to their family members, especially elderly parents who are unwell

While there is also anxiety about how they can fit back into the society after their release, the fear of acceptance and rejection from their family burdens them much more. I guess this kind of feelings is something many of us would never be able to fully comprehend and understand ... What we can do is perhaps just to offer a prayer for them, and to commit them to the hands of God trusting that He will direct them into right paths from henceforth ...